Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember
by Skittles1
Summary: It's been a year since Hitomi last saw Van Both are afraid to call to the other until Hitomi is forced to through a tragic event When she returns Van doesn't expect what he finds. All memories of Gaea & him have been wiped out ::COMPLETED::
1. Inside A Dream

Author's Note: I don't own Escaflowne or the song "Inside a Dream" By Amanda Marshall. Just written on a whim but I plan to continue it! It takes place after the Escaflowne series. Tell me what you all think of it! It won't all be a songfic, this is just special for the first chapter. I'm busy finishing up my Saint Tail story but I'll try to juggle between the two and when I finish the Saint Tail story I can fully devote myself to this. Enjoy! And remember, the more reviews the more inspiration I have to write faster.  
  
... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 1-  
  
"Inside A Dream"  
  
Hitomi stared ahead with empty eyes. The terrain was the same as always; various colored cars bustling through the gray streets, a light blue sky with marsh mellow clouds and hundreds of people walking and moving along with their life. It was a beautiful scene full of life, so why did she hate it so much? At that very moment she wanted to do nothing more than to run up and shred the perfect picture into little pieces. She wanted to see the skies of Gaea, to feel the clean breeze rustling through her hair and to feel his warm body against hers while his strong arms enveloped her into a tight embrace. But the likeliness of that happening was extremely thin. After the jade-eyed girl had returned from the other world it was as if no time had passed by. Nobody had even noticed her disappearance and when she tried to explain to them what had happened they would only claim it was a dream. A mysterious fantasy she made up on a whim. Hitomi would have loved to see their faces if THEY ever went to Gaea. But did it really matter? How would they go to Gaea when she too was unable to return?  
  
Hitomi let out a sigh, blowing the air out of her mouth so it formed a thin fog before dispersing. She knew if she wanted to make it to school on time she'd have to hurry but right now she didn't care. She only had one thought. One thought that plagued her constantly, never leaving her soul or mind alone for a single second. Only one thing she dreamed about. Him.  
  
~*~  
  
Standing on the edge of time  
  
Playing out a reckless pantomime  
  
And every day's another wrong to rectify  
  
I dream about a stranger's touch  
  
And voices in my head I cannot hush  
  
And every night's a hunger I can't satisfy  
  
~*~  
  
He was always there, always somewhere in the back of her thoughts. She could never forget his smile, his gentle touch, his raven hair, his sparkling eyes or his tanned skin. Nothing. No matter how hard she tried; the memories would only rush back the moment she let her mind wander. It wasn't that she minded thinking about him, gods, she loved to think about him. But when she was done dreaming of being with him, she was left with an empty loneliness inside. She felt like a shell, wandering around the town aimlessly with no real sight or view in her life. She didn't know where she was going or what the future held for her. She had no true plans on what she wanted to become; she only wanted to make it through the day without tears or a broken heart. Her heart only longed for one single thing and it was the thing that was the most unreachable. It was the farthest from her grasp.  
  
Hitomi turned her back to the school, picking up a fast pace as she sprinted through the crowds, weaving in and out. She remembered something somebody had once asked her.  
  
"Have you ever been in a crowd and felt...alone?"  
  
"Always." Was what she had replied. And it was true. Her heart lurched as she broke free of the people, wandering into a luscious green park. There she collapsed onto the ground, letting her good clothing soak up the morning's dew from the grass.  
  
She sighed, feeling the coolness wrap around her. Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her side, resting her head on her arm. "Nobody will even notice I'm missing from class." She murmured out loud then sighed. Her friend Yukari was constantly with Amano so what did it matter if she was gone? She was only a third wheel to them. She was like a child, constantly tagging along after them.  
  
Tears clouded her vision but she didn't care. She had to tend to the ache that filled her heart for the lost dreams she had and the emptiness that truly scared her. She feared she could drown in this sadness, this horrible pain. She was all alone and nobody cared. They were separated; both torn apart for what she feared would be forever. She knew she had to move on, she knew she had other things to think about in her life right now yet...she just wasn't able to. She couldn't let go. She didn't want to let go. She was lost inside a dream, lost inside a false hope of being with him forever. She was lost inside something she could never have.  
  
~*~  
  
It's the secret that I keep  
  
It's the ache that makes me weep  
  
And I know I'm in too deep  
  
I'm gonna drown  
  
It's the emptiness I fear  
  
Baby, please don't leave me here  
  
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream  
  
That's out of bounds  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi let out a rasped breath, her mind curving between a frown and a smile. Her dream, when she thought of it, brought so much joy to her heart yet it was mixed with so much pain. It hurt so badly because she knew it would never come true. She knew she couldn't return to Gaea. For her to return her thoughts had to connect with Van. It sounded easy yet it was so hard to truly do that for there were so many fleeting seconds in a day, so many single chances to meet but it would never happen. She had only seen him once in the horizon since she had returned home. A stray tear escaped from her eyes, dribbling down her cheek until it soaked into the ground.  
  
Maybe...Maybe he didn't think of her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe Hitomi was destined to be alone. Maybe Van didn't love her anymore. Maybe he had let go of her already.  
  
Hitomi was sure that with the building of the new cities Van was meeting some beautiful woman. Or maybe his advisors were fixing an arranged marriage for him. They would have him marry an exquisite princess from one of the other countries and he wouldn't have a second thought of Hitomi. Hitomi didn't mind all that much, or so she told herself. She wanted him to be happy, even if it didn't involve her.  
  
But...she could still dream, couldn't she? Couldn't she imagine Van stumbling home with her after a blissful, romantic day together? Couldn't she dream of them laying together, gazing into each other's eyes tenderly? Couldn't she imagine him sliding a golden ring onto her finger? When she closed her eyes, she could see him there. She could see his hand rising up to brush away her tears tenderly with his thumb. She could see him leaning in to press his warm and soft lips briefly against her own. A rush went through her, terrifying her while at the same time relaxing her. She knew it was wrong to think of him like this, to think of him holding her and kissing her.  
  
Why should she dream of something that would never happen? Every day Hitomi told herself to be strong, to hope and to pray to be with him one day and yet...inside...she knew she was weak. She knew she would never find that day she dreamed off. Even if they had a bond between them, even if there was a mysterious force binding them, how could they love each other when they were worlds apart?  
  
~*~  
  
I close my eyes and it's so real  
  
And all at once I know just what I feel  
  
And baby it's the kind of rush that terrifies  
  
I am weak...I am wrong  
  
And every day I swear that I'll be strong  
  
But there's a bond between us that I can't deny  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a coppery taste into her mouth. She didn't care if she was bleeding. In fact, she didn't care if a car smashed into her at this very moment. It would feel better than the pain she was experiencing right now. In fact, anything was better than what she was feeling. She wanted to be with Van so desperately yet...she was pulled back always by some unknown force. It was as if her world was holding onto her, not allowing her to leave even if both ends wanted to meet. Even if Van DID want to be with her, they never were able to.  
  
The doubt that tormented her mind was enough to drive her crazy. She was sure she would go insane at any moment. Another muffled sob escaped her throat, driving more tears to her eyes. Why couldn't she let go of that damned stubborn boy?! WHY was he always there? WHY couldn't she just forget about him?! He didn't care about her so why did she have to care about him? Did anybody even care about her? Hitomi wasn't very sure of that anymore. She had to let go, no matter how hard it was. If she died, Hitomi wouldn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. So Hitomi made a vow. She vowed to the sky, to the sun, to the trees and to herself that she would never love another again. She would never feel this empty loneliness again. She would fight any tiny bit of love, no matter who it was with. She would never be lost to this sickening cycle ever again. Then she made one last vow. She vowed to forget all about Gaea. She wanted to forget everything about that place, everything about Van; she wanted to forget everything she cared about there.  
  
Suddenly, Hitomi felt rough hands grab her wrists. A scream escaped her throat before a harsh blow to her head quickly silenced it.  
  
~*~  
  
It's the secret that I keep  
  
It's the ache that makes me weep  
  
And I know I'm in too deep  
  
I'm gonna drown  
  
It's the emptiness I fear  
  
Baby, please don't leave me here  
  
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream  
  
That's out of bounds  
  
~*~  
  
Van sighed, letting his mind wander from the boring meeting he was at. Sometimes being a King was such a pain yet it was something he had to do. It was his duty and it wasn't as if the young man didn't enjoy it; it merely got on his nerves sometimes. He tried to stop his thoughts from wandering to Hitomi but he knew it was a useless fight. He had convinced himself to never call upon Hitomi again. She had a life in her world and a family and friends who cared for her. She didn't deserve to leave them again. Not for just him at least.  
  
Merle tried to hide her worried gaze from Van. She was scared for her dear friend; he so often went into a dream-like state that she was beginning to worry about him. Ever since Hitomi had left he seemed to be different, getting agitated quickly and wrapping himself up in his work. As much as he wouldn't admit it, she knew it was because he missed the girl from the Mystic Moon. After a two years, Van had gone through relationship after relationship of princesses and other high-up girls and in the end, he always ended it somehow.  
  
Van tried to block out the monotone voice that droned on and on when suddenly, a pain ripped through his chest like no other he had experienced before. Someone needed him. They needed him badly. Something was calling to him...yelling at him to run outside, to run to the forest. Standing him, Van knocked over his chair, sprinting down the hallways until he burst out into the stables. He jumped on a brown gelding, untying the knotted bridal before galloping out of the gates.  
  
~*~  
  
I wanna surrender  
  
I wanna give in  
  
I wanna lay down and let it be now  
  
And let it begin  
  
Let it begin  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi fought as hands grasped her arms, holding her down. She kicked, punched and bit yet it always seemed to miss her attacker. She could feel the person sitting down on top of her, using their brute weight to hold her down. Through her blurry vision, Hitomi made out the drunken face of a dirty man. She winced as his hand crashed down on her head, causing a sharp pain to jolt her body while her vision began to swim. Hitomi could taste blood filling her mouth while her body ached with every blow the man hit her with. She quivered and shrank back with fear as she felt his hands roaming her body, ripping her clothing while his weight crushed her, leaving her without breath. Her mind screamed out his name, calling out to Van, calling out to anyone that would listen, with all of her soul.  
  
Why wasn't anyone coming to save her?  
  
Why didn't Van hear her cries?  
  
Why didn't he answer her pleads for help?  
  
But it was too late as she felt a shearing rip grip her body.  
  
Then her world went black  
  
~*~  
  
It's the secret that I keep  
  
It's the ache that makes me weep  
  
And I know I'm in too deep  
  
  
  
I'm gonna drown  
  
~*~  
  
He could hear her screaming for him, crying out for him to save her from whatever pain that was being created for her. But why couldn't he bring her to him? Why couldn't he reach her and transport her to Gaea like all the other times?  
  
VAN!!!  
  
It was her voice for sure. His breath came in quickly as his horse swerved in and out between bushes and trees. Where he was going, Van wasn't quite sure but he felt his heart leading him.  
  
"HITOMI!!!!!" His own scream pierced through the air as more pain seized his body. He tried to concentrate on memories of her, on thoughts of the girl he cared so deeply for.  
  
And then she was falling towards him, her battered and torn body flying down to him, as she appeared to be unconscious. Van leapt off his horse, lunging forward until he caught Hitomi's body in his arms and then he collided with the ground with a bone-sickening crunch. His world then too went black  
  
~*~  
  
It's the emptiness I fear  
  
Baby, please don't leave me here  
  
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream  
  
That's out of bounds 


	2. Voices of Fate

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 2-  
  
  
  
  
  
"The Voices of Fate"  
  
"Where am I?" Hitomi thought to herself as she pulled her knees up against her chest. All around her was darkness. Blackness. Nothingness. She was floating in a dark void and she was alone. What had happened? Everything felt...fuzzy to her. She was wearing her school uniform but it seemed dirty yet there were no rips in it. Hitomi closed her eyes, curling up as much as she could into a tiny ball. She tried to remember all that had happened. Her life seemed to flash before her from the moment she returned from Gaea. It had been just about two years since everything had happened. Everything that changed her life forever.  
  
Nobody had believed her when she told others of her story, of the other world. She even lost a few friends that way. Amano and Yukari were together, always. Hitomi was only in their way. She was like a pet, something to amuse them and they cared for her yet she was nothing more than a companion to them. Something to be with when they were bored with each other or when they had nothing else to do. She knew she sometimes annoyed them when she trailed along yet Hitomi refused to get into a serious relationship with someone. So Yukari gave up on the idea of her and her friend double dating.  
  
Her other friends seemed boring also. After what Hitomi had experienced in Gaea, she had matured quiet a bit. Instead of laughing and giggling at things normal teenagers would find entertaining, Hitomi only stared blandly at them. She didn't understand what was so fun about watching shirtless guys exercise or flirting shamelessly with them. She didn't see what was so great about the next new styles or even running between the mall and the movies. She didn't understand what they saw in their petty high school relationships that were nothing serious. It was as if they only wanted someone to kiss and hold hands with. They had no idea of what true love was and she found that disgusting. Why date someone if they meant nothing to you?  
  
The school drove her crazy. What was the point of education besides learning? The teachers taught nothing of life or what was out in the real world. How would math equations save her in a life and death situation? Sure, she liked to learn and she got A's but it sometimes seemed so pointless to her.  
  
After Hitomi had returned, her parent's arguments had increased. She barely saw her father and when he was home, all her parent's would do was to fight. To yell and scream at any fault they could find within each other. If it hadn't been for Hitomi, she was sure they would have divorced much sooner but finally, they went through with it without a thought of her. Hitomi wasn't sure which was better, the end of the fighting or the loss of her father from the household. Sure, he wasn't the greatest father and her mother wasn't the greatest either but they were still her parents. She still cared for them even if they bugged her a lot and had screwed up a lot of her life.  
  
But most importantly, Hitomi couldn't stand to live in a world as corrupt as earth. The Mystic Moon. She knew it was foolish, she knew that no place was perfect but it was nice to imagine. A place where people didn't take things for granted or hurt others for their own gain. A place where everybody looked out for each other, where everyone loved the people they were with. She knew there was no such thing and that was what she hated. Why couldn't there be a place like that? Why did people have to hurt? Why did they have to be torn from the ones they loved? Hitomi didn't understand it all.  
  
Finally, her most recent memories came flooding back to her. She had been at the park. She was crying. She vowed never to love again. She vowed to forget everything about Gaea and the people there. Her heartbeat quickened. Then somebody had grabbed her and was hurting her. They had....they had....Hitomi couldn't whisper or think of the last word for her own heartbeat was in her ears, blocking out all sound and thought. Suddenly, she wanted out of her clothing. She wanted to bathe; she wanted to scrub at herself until her skin peeled away. Her chances of being with Van were so miniscule and this just diminished the last hope she had. But what did it matter? She had vowed off love. She tried to curl up tighter, to disappear but it was impossible. She couldn't crunch up her body any more than it already was. She wanted to wake up so badly, to pretend it was all a bad dream but...it was real. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, it was still there. Hitomi was given over to the pain that would never leave, the one that would remain embedded in the heart forever and could not recede, it could never recede...  
  
Hitomi tried to reassure herself. Maybe it didn't happen. Maybe she had somehow saved herself. Why hadn't anybody come though? Why didn't anyone hear her cries? Her pleads for help?  
  
"Stop this negative thinking!" Hitomi cursed at herself. "I've got plenty of good things ahead of me in my life!"  
  
"Like what?" A voice seemed to mock her. The thing that saddened Hitomi was the voice was right. At this moment the teenager didn't have much of a future planned.  
  
What had happened to that optimistic, cheerful girl she used to be? Hitomi sighed. That girl had been left behind that fated day she left Gaea. Tears clouded her eyes as memories flashed in her mind. Hands seemed to be everywhere. She stuffed her fist in her mouth, muffling her sobs that echoed through the darkness. It hurt so much. She didn't know what else to hang onto, she didn't know that there was anything out there. So try as she might to hold on, Hitomi's grasp slipped away. There was no family. There was no girl. There was only black.  
  
"I can free you." The same voice as before whispered to Hitomi. It sounded as if it came from all directions, calling to her and soothing her fears as she shook with pain.  
  
"W-who are you?!" Fear gripped Hitomi's heart. She never wanted to face another human being again. They only meant betrayal, loss, pain, and suffering. Hitomi had lost her faith in the human race.  
  
"I am only what you want me to be." The voice said again. Somehow...it was calming. It quieted her pounding heart and stopped Hitomi's bombarding thoughts. "I can grant you release."  
  
"Release...?" Hitomi murmured, her muscles relaxing slightly.  
  
"Yes. Release." The voice sounded like it was next to her. "Release from this pain, from those horrible memories. I can make them disappear. All of it. You can go back to being a normal seventeen year old, never a thought about another world, war, attacks...or...worse..." The voice trailed off but Hitomi understood what it meant. "Never a thought of what happened to you in the park..."  
  
It was so tempting. Hitomi felt transfixed as the voice spoke. "What's the catch?" She knew an offer like this had to have some kind of deal, it always worked that way.  
  
"There is no catch. All you have to do is let me erase the pain and that is it. Don't you wish to be free of the hurt? Don't you want to forget about...him? And about what has happened to you? It will never work out. You are in two different worlds. I only offer you this once." The voice seemed to be in front of her, resting a hand on her shoulder. Hitomi flinched at the touch. It was strange; there was nobody there but she could feel the pressure of a hand on her shoulder. It kept speaking. "You won't have to flinch again. You won't have to be afraid of a simple touch."  
  
"How do you know all this?!" Hitomi tried to push back the person but her hand collided with nothing except air.  
  
"I know everything." The voice smiled. She didn't know how she knew that, Hitomi knew it was smiling. "I ask you one more time. Do you want to forget?"  
  
Hitomi stared at the direction of the voice. She bit her lip while tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted release so badly. She wanted to forget all of it. And why as it so hot in the darkness? Why did Hitomi feel as if she was on fire? It hurt. Mutely, she nodded her head yes.  
  
Then, it all shattered. The darkness rushed around her, pulling along gray colors as Hitomi was lift out of the darkness and spirited away. Nothing was left for her there and she was dying inside. She had seen the fragments of what was, what could have been falling away from her. Everything was broken and there was no one to repair it except that one voice.  
  
It was over. Everything was over.  
  
~*~  
  
"VAN!! LORD VAN!!" Merle sprinted towards the lone horse that rode into the castle courtyard, a limp finger held against the rider. As the cat girl drew closer, she glanced at what he was holding. In his arms was a girl and he was missing his shirt. The king's shirt had been wrapped around the girl's torn and bloody clothing but...there was something slightly familiar about this girl. Merle strained her eyes then her heart caught in her throat. The girl had the same golden colored hair of a certain person from the past... "Hitomi...HITOMI!!" Merle gasped in shock as she sprinted towards Van. "What happened to Hitomi?! How is she here?! WHAT HAPPENED LORD VAN?!"  
  
Van fought his anger as he tried to respond to the cat girl's questions. "Merle, run and get the castle doctor. Call Millerna if you have to, just get somebody!!! I heard her calling me...and so I fought to bring her to me and then, Hitomi fell from sky and I blacked out. When I woke up she was still laying on me unconscious." With that said, Van rushed into the castle, gripping Hitomi's trembling body close against him. What had happened to affect the girl he loved so badly? Who had done this to HIS Hitomi? Without another thought, he crashed into his room, placing Hitomi tenderly on his bed before bellowing out for the doctor, somebody, anybody who could help Hitomi.  
  
~*~  
  
Merle and Van both paced outside of his bedchamber, waiting for Millerna to finish bandaging and checking Hitomi for any serious injuries. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the doors opened. Millerna emerged, sweat dripping from her forehead.  
  
"How is she?! W-what happened to her?" Merle glanced up at Millerna with fear. Van stood beside his childhood friend, worry showing all over his face as he too awaited the blonde's answer.  
  
Millerna sighed. Van was not going to like what she was about to say. "She had a large amount of scrapes and bruises on her body. It appears as if she took quite a few blows to her head. Right now, she's alive and stable but she's got a horrible fever. The best we can do is try to wait it out." She hoped that was all she had to say as the queen tried to escape from the stares she was receiving.  
  
"What caused this? What happened to her?" Van persisted, his heart still thudding wildly in his chest. How could he have not heard Hitomi's cries for help sooner?  
  
"Van..." Millerna fidgeted nervously. "S- She...was....Hitomi...was...raped." The last word came out as barely a whisper.  
  
Merle could only stare ahead as the glass of water Van held shattered into a thousand sparkling pieces. At that very moment, Merle feared Van the most.  
  
"WHO THE HELL DID THIS TO HER?!?!" His voice roared down the hallway as his hands smashed angrily into the wall while his eyes were painted with fury. "I'LL TEAR THEM LIMB FROM LIMB!! GODDAMMIT!!" Anger poured through every vein in the young king, making his entire body tense up as he looked for something to destroy. He wanted to kill whoever had hurt his Hitomi and he would kill them. He would make them pay for every ounce of pain she went through because of them.  
  
Millerna's hand forcefully slapped Van's cheek, bringing his shocked face forward to stare into her eyes. "I don't CARE how angry you are Van! I don't CARE how upset you get! Right now Hitomi NEEDS you!! If we can't fight her fever, then it doesn't matter how to gain revenge on her attacker because she won't even be ALIVE! The best choice we have at this moment is try to get her to sweat it out. Her body has been put through a terrible shock and I'm sure her mind and heart is having it much worse right now. It does her no good to have you going on a violent rampage!!! Get in there and HELP HER!! I don't like this anymore than you do; I didn't want to see Hitomi again on these kinds of terms but I can't change that. Now go and help her!!!" Her hand pointed to the door that was cracked open a bit.  
  
Van sighed, nursing his anger into a tight knot in his chest. It was still there and most likely always would be but right now he couldn't attend to that. He peered into the room, suddenly much more nervous than he had been before. The fear was ripped away as he looked down at her. This only made his fury build up more. Her pale figure was shaking under the thin sheets while a purple-blue welt was forming on her cheek. She had a few other crimson cuts on her forehead and cheek while her lips were cracked open. Her body was layered with sweat as it dripped down her brow, causing her golden hair to stick to her face. Her hair had been grown out since Van had last seen her and now it reached to just about an inch above her shoulders. Her face contorted in pain as Van was sure she was being haunted with memories. She looked so fragile, so innocent sleeping there. He was afraid to touch her for fear she might break. He couldn't stand to see her in so much pain. Reaching towards her he ever so gently brushed back a strand of her hair.  
  
"Sweat out the fever..." He murmured out loud as he brought himself out of his trance. Running over to his closet, he rummaged through his drawers until he produced as many thick layers of blankets and sheets as possible. Tenderly, he placed each one over Hitomi's tiny figure until he was sure she had enough. He arranged them to be sure they wouldn't smother her but it didn't matter, he would be sitting there watching her until she woke up. Sometime during his mission of gathering things, somebody had brought in a pail of water with a washcloth and so Van proceeded to drip the cloth and then run it gently over Hitomi's forehead, wiping away the sweat. He kept this up throughout the day and into the night.  
  
"How did this happen Hitomi?" He wondered out loud. He sighed. "I should have been able to save you. You called for me, I heard you but...I was too late. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you." The stress of the day was finally beginning to catch up to Van as he clambered next to her on the bed. He brought her quivering form towards her, hoping his own body warmth would help to sweat out the fever. "I'm so sorry Hitomi. I'm so sorry..." And slowly, he drifted off to sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
Van groaned in his sleep. He could feel the sun's warmth basking his face as he dreaded getting up and attending another meeting. Then the recent events returned to his memory suddenly. His eyes flew open, bringing the blurry morning light into focus.  
  
He was staring into a pair of sparkling jade eyes.  
  
Van leapt back, tumbling off the bed and pulling a fair amount of blankets with him. Fumbling to untangle himself, Van tried to stand up but only succeeded in tumbling back down. Much to his surprise, he heard quiet chuckling from the bed. Peering up from his place on the floor, Van hesitantly looked at Hitomi. She was in the nightgown Millerna had dressed her in and was weakly leaning up on her arm, staring wide-eyed over at Van. But...she seemed to be smiling. The king found this to be unusual, especially considering what had happened to the teenager.  
  
"H-Hitomi..." Van muttered her name, standing up finally before sitting on the edge of the bed. "A-are you ok?" He suddenly found a loose thread on the blanket very interesting. He didn't know how to act around her. It wasn't that what had happened had changed his view on her, but he was scared of upsetting her. He was afraid of what she'd say or do. He hadn't seen her in nearly two years!!!  
  
"How do you know my name...?" Her quiet, familiar voice questioned softly. She raised an eyebrow, giving Van a strange look. "And where am I...? Why am I...so sore? My head hurts..."  
  
How could she be so clueless? Van gave her a confused look. She must have been dazed from the events. "It's me...Van. You're in Gaea, remember? You've been here before." He backed up slightly. Why was Hitomi acting so clueless? Wouldn't a normal person be sobbing right now after what had happened to her? "And I think...you know why you're hurt." He winced at his words, realizing they must have sounded cruel and blunt. Silence stretched on. Panic seized him as Van feared she was crying because of his comment but when he looked up, she was only staring ahead with the same blank expression she had from before.  
  
"I...don't remember why I'm hurt...." Hitomi hesitantly replied. Why was she in this strange room, in this strange bed with a strange man?! She quickly wrapped the blankets around her protectively while she tried not to scream. She knew it was better to get some answers first before she jumped to conclusions.  
  
"You honestly don't remember a thing? About me? Gaea? And...what happened to you?" Van began to step towards the door, ready to call Millerna back. Maybe the trauma to Hitomi's head had caused this.  
  
"I honestly don't remember a thing. Listen, whoever you are, I just want to get back home to my mother. I'm sure she's very worried about me." Hitomi frowned. "And please bring me some Advil...!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: Ehhh, so what do you all think of the new chapter? I'm not entirely sure where this fic is going to go but I plan to continue it if everyone wants me to. Tell me what you think and thank you for the lovely reviews!! Enjoy! 


	3. Old Friends And Foes

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 3-  
  
  
  
"Old Friends...And Foes"  
  
"Hitomi...if this is some kind of joke..." Van wandered back from the door to sit down on the bed. Hitomi was curled up under the covers with her head poking out of the top. The nightgown she was in was very comfortable, for it was made of a soft material and it was short sleeved, giving her body an outlet for the heat that she felt. Who in their right mind would sleep under so many blankets? The neckline was cut across her torso and for the first time, she noticed the man sitting next to her was wearing light brown pants but he was shirtless. His tan skin was a stark contrast to her paleness but Hitomi didn't seem to notice. She was more intent on looking at the muscles that lined his arms, chest and stomach. Looking up at his face, she took note of the way his raven hair seemed to hang in his face, shielding his soft melancholy maroon eyes from the world. Hitomi was transfixed by those eyes. Pulling her gaze away from him, she managed to push herself up a bit so that she could lean against the backboard of the bed. Suddenly, the door swung open. At the sound of the noise, Hitomi crouched down so that her face was hidden behind Van's back.  
  
"Oh Lord Van! Hitomi! You're both awake!" Merle stood in the open doorway, plastering a smile on her face. Yes, it was true that there was a certain cat boy she was currently seeing but the petite cat girl still harbored some feelings for the young king Van. After Hitomi left Gaea, Merle wasn't very worried about him marrying another girl for she knew he loved Hitomi. And Hitomi wasn't in Gaea anymore; therefore Merle didn't need to worry about somebody stealing her Lord Van. She knew he would never truly love her the same way she loved him and that she was only a little sister to him. So Merle began to meet other people and other men. Yet still, after two years, she held a small amount of true love for him. She always would, and seeing the two together like that was giving her mixed feelings. She was happy that Van had found his love but a tinge of jealousy was still in her heart. But now was not the time for petty selfishness, Merle had learned that from the past war. Hitomi needed friendship the most right now and Merle was ready to give it. The poor Mystic Moon girl had been through god knows what and Merle knew this would be a tough challenge for both Hitomi and Lord Van. "I brought you both some food. I figured you'd be hungry after sleeping all night and all day!" Merle exclaimed, holding out a tray filled with various foods and glasses of water. She was clad in a short brown sleeveless dress that was decorated with random swirls of black color. She didn't have any shoes on and an auburn ribbon held back her bouncy pink hair. The cat girl had grown quite a lot, not height wise though, but the rest was clearly shown in the curves of her dress.  
  
Vans eyes widened in panic as he shook his head quickly, mouthing the word "NO!" But it was too late. Hitomi had poked her head out from behind Van and was now staring directly at Merle. Well, more like directly at her cat ears, fur and tail.  
  
"EK!!!" A squeak of surprise left Hitomi's throat. There was a CAT GIRL standing RIGHT in front of her! And it appeared as if she knew Hitomi. But before Hitomi could either run away in fear or run towards Merle in curiosity, her body was wracked with pain. Her head pounded as Hitomi reminded herself to make no more sudden movements. Hitomi winced as she lowered herself back into the bed. So there was a cat girl; Hitomi had to be dreaming. It was simply either that or she had finally lost it. Soon she'd be living in a room with padded walls...  
  
Van turned to Hitomi worriedly, not sure whether to help the girl sit back down. Something was wrong. How could Hitomi have forgotten about Gaea? About him? About what had happened to her?  
  
"Lord Van...! What's going on...? Is Hitomi all right?" Merle nervously glanced between the man and the woman. Something was out of place here and they were acting weird. What was going on?!  
  
"Who ARE you people?! Where AM I?! I want to go HOME!!! And who hurt me like this!?!?!" Hitomi cried out with frustration. She was sick of listening to these strangers talk about her as if she were their sister. And her body HURT. She didn't comprehend anything that was going on. "And WHY do you have cat ears and a tail?!" Hitomi pointed accusingly at Merle. When there was no reply, Hitomi only grew angrier. She turned her eyes to Van now. Maybe he would give her some kind of answer yet why should she trust him? She had woken up in pain in a strange bed with a strange man. Her face began to glow red with hate as she snarled out spiteful words. "DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?! WERE YOU THE ONE WHO HURT ME?!" Her glare was directed at Van even more now, pointing all blame onto him. But Hitomi's attention changed when a loud clatter echoed in the room. Merle had dropped the tray of food she had previously been holding. Now it's continents littered the floor in a frenzy of colors.  
  
Anger sizzled from Merle. "How DARE you accuse Lord Van of doing this to you!! He saved your life- you should be thanking him! Lord Van LOVES YOU!!!" Merle paused suddenly, realizing what she had just blurted out extremely loud, to Hitomi while Van was sitting next to the Mystic Moon girl. Instead of shutting her mouth though, Merle kept on talking. "And you know how hard it is for me to admit that it's true! So stop blaming him and playing stupid!" Merle knew Hitomi had been through a lot but blaming Lord Van for it? That was absurd!  
  
"H-how c-can he l-l-love me...w-when I d-don't even k-know...him...?" Hitomi murmured. Love? Nobody had ever said that word to her, besides her family. And it was never in the context that the cat girl meant it in. Hitomi's head pounded even more. She couldn't stand it anymore. Everything was so confusing. Who WERE these people? How did she supposedly KNOW them yet not remember? How could there even be such a thing as a cat girl? It was just too much for Hitomi to handle at the time. She let out a breath as she closed her eyes, relaxing into the bed and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was asleep.  
  
~*~  
  
"Did you give her the wrong medicine Millerna? Did she mess up her head from her concussions?" Van kept questioning Millerna, hoping to gain some kind of answer. How could Hitomi forget all they had been through? How could she forget their love? Then again, he hadn't contacted her for nearly two years. Shaking out the thought, Van awaited for Millerna's answer.  
  
Millerna groaned. "Calm down Van. You have a meeting to attend to soon and I've already lied for you in explaining your recent absence. I don't know why Hitomi doesn't remember what happened to her but shouldn't that be a good thing? She won't have those painful memories..." She brushed back a strand of sandy colored hair.  
  
"But WHY would she forget about Gaea?!" He demanded, his temper beginning to flare.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW VAN!!! If I did then I'd tell you! The hits she took to her head WERE severe enough to affect her thinking about what happened to her but I have no idea why it would cause her to forget us! Gaea wasn't a minor part in her life so it doesn't make sense that she would forget us. It's like she has selective memory loss or something. But there's no explanation as to why. Just be patient with her and be gentle, there's no telling when her memories might return. Maybe, given time, she WILL remember. But please don't push her." Millerna gave the king a warning glare before softening her eyes. "I hope...everything works out between you two..." But before Van could respond, the queen had disappeared down the hallway. He could hear her call back to him. "I'll talk to Dryden about this. Maybe he'll find some kind of clue or explanation." And then she was completely gone.  
  
Van let out a huff of annoyance. Ever since Hitomi left he had dreamed about seeing her again, of holding on to her tenderly, of confessing his love for her and never letting go of her. Of course, she'd confess her love back to him and would willingly stay with him forever. But now...this was not how he had planned their reunion. In fact, this was extremely far from how he had imagined it. Either way though, he would protect Hitomi. He would make sure she was ok. He would help her remember and if she wanted to return home, he would help her get there.  
  
~*~  
  
"Yes, I see. Send five of our troops out there tonight." Van ordered a grizzly looking man who sat in a chair diagonal from the king. "That should take care of the bandits." Van was sitting at the head of a long oak table while men and women of high stature sat in rows down both of the sides. The young king was clad in black pants with his normal style red shirt except this time it had been changed to the color of snowflakes- pure white. Black string held the top closed in criss-crosses while black gloves stitched with silver swirls adorned his hands. Lastly, he worse black boots and a thin chain that dangled around his neck. Of course the chain was the necklace Hitomi had given him that fated day she left. Tucked hidden within the folds of his shirt was the pinkish red jewel that had saved his life so many times, with Hitomi's help, of course.  
  
"Sir, we have a visitor." A guard stepped inside through the large double doors that sealed the room off from the outside world.  
  
"Send them in." Van sighed. He was sick of uninvited visitors and right now all he wanted to do was run to Hitomi's side. He needed to watch over her and see how she was feeling.  
  
"Hello Van. It's been a long time."  
  
Van couldn't mistake that voice. It still held the same grating confidence it always had contained in the past. It had that annoying singsong note to it, the sound that would always taunt Van, even now. "Allen Schezar. Welcome." Van strained his voice to at least sound a BIT pleasant. "And do what do I owe this lovely visit to?" He forced on a smile when he said the word 'lovely'. He did not need that playboy showing up to whisk Hitomi away from him. At one time he would have been sure that she would pick him over Allen but with her memory gone, there was no telling what would happen. Van tried not to glare at the blond knight.  
  
Allen stood at the far end of the room from Van. He was clad in the normal knight outfit he had always worn in the past except his straight blond hair had been loosely tied back in a ponytail. A few free pieces chose the perfect place to curl around his face, framing it with a gently halo of golden colors. Through his clothing, anyone could plainly see his muscles bulging slightly after years of training and fighting. Behind Allen, Van spotted a young girl cowering behind his bulk.  
  
"Hello Celena." Van smiled warmly. Celena was a nice girl, yet she did scare him slightly. Well, she had been, at one time, Dilandu and he use to find her frightening but he had gotten over that a long time ago.  
  
The girl peeked out from behind her brother before nodding a polite hello. Light yellow hair framed her face also, the same yellow as Allen's hair except hers had more of a wave to it and it had been cut an inch below her ears.  
  
Allen spoke up. "I've heard...Hitomi has returned." The knight continued, keeping his gaze directed into Van's eyes sternly. "I wish to see how my dear friend is fairing. She IS well, am I correct?"  
  
Van let out a grunt. "How do you know she's here?" He couldn't have word of her arrival spreading. That was the last thing he wished for. The girl was confused enough with only Van and Merle, so she didn't need more "familiar" faces around to get mixed up about.  
  
"I...have my connections around the castle, as you might know. I only heard it from a friend who is working around here, that is all. Don't worry, I don't intend on blabbering her arrive to everyone I meet. If you want me to keep quiet, I will...although I can't imagine why she would want to remain hidden...unless something has happened." Allen gave Van an accusing glare. The tense in the room was thick enough to slice through with a knife and the other guests could feel it weighing down on them.  
  
"Will you please excuse us?" Van turned towards the men and women, dismissing them with a quick smile. The group dispersed and soon all of them had disappeared from the room.  
  
"What has happened to Hitomi?" Allen demanded. Celena meekly stepped forward, taking a seat in one of the abandoned chairs.  
  
Van rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. "Apparently when Hitomi was in her world...she was...attacked." Van finished the sentence, his eyes showing the true meaning of the word 'attacked.'  
  
Allen clenched his fists in anger while he bit down on his tongue. He could taste coppery blood in his mouth. Hitomi had been...? No...that was impossible. "Was she...raped?"  
  
Van sorrowfully nodded yes.  
  
"How is she coping?" Allen's eyes filled with worry over the girl from the Mystic Moon.  
  
"I don't know." Van swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "She's lost all memory of Gaea and of being attacked."  
  
Allen could do nothing except stare ahead in shock.  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi furrowed her eyebrows together in deep thought. She had managed to pull herself out of her bed, with the support of the nearby chair, that is. Her long nightgown covered the bruises and cuts that littered her body except for the finger shaped ones on her arms. Tears clouded her eyes for a moment as she pondered all the possibilities for her injuries. She tried to push the thoughts out of her mind, for it only made her mood sink lower. She was in a strange place with strange people. Hitomi Kanzaki was scared. She wanted to go back home. She wanted to be in a place with familiar things. Hitomi sucked in a deep breath as she found a pair of slippers resting near the bed. She pulled them onto her feet before nibbling on some fruit and drinking a glass of water that had been conveniently left on a table nearby. Of course, she sniffed and prodded until she was sure it was safe to eat the food. Finally after making a quick trip to the bathroom, she felt she was ready to go. Mustering up all the strength she had left in her, Hitomi slowly and carefully edged her door open until she could poke her entire head out of the door. Glancing down both ends of the hallway, Hitomi made sure nobody was around. It was all clear. Her nightgown rustled as she wandered down random hallways, not sure where any of it would led her. The floor was marble, making her happy for the warm slippers. She could tell the palace was new for the walls and furnishings all seemed...fresh somehow. They weren't worn; they had the polish of being brand new. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Hitomi found a door leading to the outside world. Well, at least outside of the hallways. She made it there just in time before she was ready to collapse with exhaustion. It appeared to be a courtyard for across the distance Hitomi could make out solid walls that were built up high but when she looked upward, her eyes met the powder blue sky. Hitomi sighed happily. This was a place where she could relax. The girl wandered through the damp grass, all her weary senses alert for any noise. A few sparrows took off in flight as Hitomi brushed past them, wandering through a maze of colorful wildflowers. Soon Hitomi stumbled upon a large weeping willow that hung next to a stone white water fountain. The clear water spurted up out of a basket that a woman was holding. But this woman wasn't normal. She had huge white wings extending out from her back and she was draped with beautiful garments as each droplet of water sparkled in the sunlight. Hitomi sat down on the rim of the fountain, letting her hand fall into the cool water and rest there.  
  
She froze as she heard footsteps. For some strange reason, her heart began to beat wildly with panic. Turning her head, she spotted a gruff looking man smiling down at her. He had wild dark bluish hair while rough stumble covered his chin.  
  
"Hey their pretty little lady! I didn't think I'd ever see you again!" Gaddess held out a hand to shake Hitomi's, beaming down at her in surprise.  
  
"Um...yes..." Hitomi stuttered, shaking his hand while her heart slowed down gradually. Did everybody in this place know her? Hitomi wanted some answers. "I'm sorry to ask but...who are you?"  
  
"Huh?" Gaddess gave Hitomi a confused look, eyeing her suspiciously before he decided she wasn't joking. "I'm second-in-command for Knight Allen Schezar. Surely you remember him, right?"  
  
Hitomi bit down on her lip. "I'm sorry but I don't remember a thing. I don't know what this place is, who you people are and why I'm here!" She finally let out some of her frustration. "And what is my relationships with everybody?"  
  
Gaddess frowned. "Lost your memory, eh?" Maybe he wasn't as surprised for he had had seen some very odd things occur in his time but it was still a shock to discover that Hitomi, their Hitomi, had forgotten them.  
  
"Yes...I suppose I lost my memory. That is, according to everybody around here." Hitomi moved her hand, causing ripples to move through the water.  
  
"Poor Van..." Hitomi heard Gaddess mutter.  
  
"What is my relationship with that man? This Van? And that...cat girl? And your master? And YOU? Will somebody PLEASE explain to me what is going on!!" Hitomi slammed her fist back into the water, splashing droplets onto her nightgown. They were soaked into the material almost as fast as they had landed there.  
  
"Sorry Hitomi." Gaddess gave her a despondent smile. "But that's for you to discover on your own. I'm afraid I can't go revealing things where I shouldn't be revealing them. As for our relationship, you're just an old friend of mine." Smiling brighter now, he ruffled her hair, making Hitomi feel much like a little sister to this strange man. Somehow...she felt comfortable around him.  
  
"Can you answer me one more thing though?" Hitomi hesitantly asked.  
  
"It depends on the question, but go ahead and ask." Gaddess slipped one of his hands absently into his pocket.  
  
"What is this place?" She muttered. "I mean...what is this world? Where is Earth?"  
  
Gaddess gave her a bit of a startled look. "Why...you're on Gaea of course. See..." He lifted up his free hand, pointing up into the sky.  
  
Faintly, in the distance, Hitomi could see the circular form of Earth and it's moon.  
  
~*~  
  
Author's Note: Hi! I've continued it, yes! And I know where it's going, I got it all planned out now. Well...except for what exactly will happen at the end but...that's a surprise for when it comes time for the end! Thank you so much for your support and all of the lovely reviews!! Enjoy! 


	4. Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 4-  
  
"Wrong Place at the Wrong Time"  
  
Hitomi pulled off some blades of grass. Not thinking about things took a lot of energy, especially when the things you were working on not thinking about constantly pushed at your thoughts. Where was this place? She knew that it most definitely wasn't her world. After all, she had never seen a cat girl before and after Gaddess had left her, she had stumbled around the garden aimlessly. The swirling mass in the sky was Earth and it's moon. That only finalized that she wasn't home and was indeed in another world. After a while, she found a tall oak tree, which Hitomi proceeded to climb until she got to the very top. Looking around, she could see the large and very expensive looking castle better and outside the courtyard, across the distance appeared to be a village and market place bustling with life. The castle was enormous, with at least five swirling towers and it seemed to glow with the gray, blue, yellow and white colors that glimmered off it in the sunlight. Hitomi didn't care that her dress had ripped or that it felt as if every ounce of energy within her was gone. She clambered back down the tree to fight her way back to the now familiar water fountain. There she soaked herself with the water and then sat down to think about what she would do.  
  
Hitomi saw nobody familiar and so she found herself agreeing that she would have to trust these people, at least until she got home. For all she knew, they could already know how to send her back so Hitomi decided she would at least pretend to get along with them. Not only that, but everyone had kept mentioning something that had happened to her at a park and it seemed to have something to do with her injuries. She was a smart enough girl to figure out it must have been something bad. Hitomi had a vague queasy feeling as she tried to think back. It was so hard to think, like her thoughts had to move through sludge, or something. The more she tried to think about her last moments in her world or being in the world of Gaea in the past the dizzier she felt. She felt surreal, like everything was happening to someone else. She tried to fight the hot tears from coming down her cheeks. She was one that did not like to cry, but they still came, mingling with the water that still remained from when she had dipped her head into the water fountain. She had not cried since her parent's divorce and yet the tears still came. Everything was so quiet around her. The only sounds were the occasion chirp of a bird or Hitomi's muffled sobs.  
  
But she was partly thankful for the silence. Hitomi savored silence. There were times in life when there were no words and no way to communicate to anyone else what you were feeling. She hated those times, but she valued the silence. In silence, she could hide and lick her wounds. In silence, she could protect her heart. In silence, she could be free.  
  
~*~  
  
Van felt himself near tears. Everything had crumbled. He was ten million steps back from where he had begun. For the first time he wished that Hitomi hadn't returned, at least not in the condition she was in. He obviously had needed more time to figure out how to make things work. Van's hands trembled at his sides. Things were so delicate with Hitomi, for so many reasons, that he had to be cautious with his own heart. Van had thought that his dreams were coming true. He had thought that after so long, he and Hitomi would finally be together, and he and his love would never again be parted or misunderstand one another...  
  
For a moment, he had held everything he wanted and needed and desired and loved, and it had slipped right through his fingers.  
  
All his dreams, all his hopes, all his prayers...  
  
Dust.  
  
Van lifted up his head just in time to see Hitomi move. It felt like she had been sitting out in the courtyard, lying in the grass for hours, which she had. Gaddess had spoken to her before he left her to ponder something he had told her and then Van had wandered out to a pathway outside the garden. He spotted Hitomi and was transfixed, watching her confused form trying to make out what was going on. She had sat there, basking in the golden sunlight until Van was sure she had fallen asleep. After a few moments, the teenager had gotten up to dip her head into the fountain, enjoying the cool feel of the water. She then decided to explore the gardens some more before refreshing herself a second time and lying under the shade of a towering tree. Van sighed. He had no idea how to make Hitomi remember Gaea or to get her back home. And what if someone had purposely erased Hitomi's memory? At least the young king was able to keep Allen from seeing her at the moment. He was able to wriggle out of the mess by telling the knight that Hitomi was not in a condition for visitors.  
  
Suddenly, Hitomi pulled herself up and was moving. From the shade of a weeping willow, she stepped into the softly lit clearing. Water dripped from her hair, falling to the grass and dirt below. Mud caked her shoes and strained her slightly wet nightgown in strange patterns. Her nightgown seemed ragged as it had become muddy from the earlier trek of the courtyard and it had an enormous tear across the bottom of it. Van knew what she had been doing when she disappeared into the garden. She had climbed up one of the trees, probably for a better look of where she was. At least she was still adventuresome. But it was her face that held his interest. Her heavy bangs covered smoky jade eyes and blocked them from his view. He could see the salty tears sliding down her pale cheek, mingling with the remnants from the water fountain. Her lips were turned down in an unhappy manner and her nose twitched with her muffled sobs.  
  
For a single moment, she looked up, seemingly to search for one she could almost sense. Though it was but a moment, to the one hidden on the sidewalk, it appeared an eternity. The mist swirled around her face at the sudden movement, causing a transparent cloud to glide about her figure. Her longing eyes grazed over his hiding place, unseeing. They were fogged with tears unshed. As he watched, she tried to wipe them away, only to have them newly replaced within seconds.  
  
Her face seemed so haunted. Even so close, she appeared distant. Never before had he witnessed her like that. He prayed he would never have to again. Slowly, so slowly, she turned and walked back the way she had came, back towards the castle. In the distance, Hitomi spotted him watching her. It made her feel unease. He was too still, too quiet, like he was in shock or too afraid to do anything. Why was everyone watching her like that?  
  
Suddenly, a pang of guilt washed over Hitomi. Van had been nothing except kind to her since she had woken up and she had only repaid him by accusing him of hurting her. She had to at least apologize for her behavior. And she had to make as many allies as she could as long as she was going to be in this strange place. She carefully walked over to the tanned boy before stopping a few feet from him.  
  
Van saw her approaching him cautiously. He wasn't quite sure how to act and so he was quiet, pretending he hadn't seen her in the garden. His eyes stared forward, scanning the wild flowers that seemed so tranquil.  
  
"Um...Van? That's your name...right?" Hitomi edged closer to the boy. She followed his eyesight, gazing at the place she had just been sitting only minutes ago.  
  
Van nodded absently. "Yeah, it's Van." He tried to keep himself back, to hold himself from lunging out and bringing Hitomi into a tight embrace. He wanted nothing more than to simply hold her, to rub her back, to smell her hair, to whisper soothing words in her ear...but he could do none of that. It took every ounce of willpower to resist this urge as he tried to build a mental wall between himself and Hitomi. She had forgotten him and would return someday back to her own world. What was the use of getting to know her all over again when it would end soon any ways? But the sad glint in her eyes caused this wall to melt.  
  
"I...I'm s-sorry for what I said before...a-about...you know..." Hitomi stammered, a blush rising in her face. Why did she feel so nervous yet giddy around him?  
  
"It's ok." Van whispered to her in response. "Um...I'll ...do everything in my power to help you return home...ok?"  
  
"Really?!" Hitomi perked up instantly.  
  
The joy in Hitomi's voice crushed Van's heart. It was bleeding inside of him. She wanted to return her. She wanted to leave him. He nodded yes.  
  
"T-Thank you." The girl replied before a comforting silence enveloped them.  
  
"So what have you been up to since I last saw you? I know you don't remember it...but it was about two years ago. What's happened to you over that time...?" Van tried to make conversation. He hoped she hadn't met any special boy over that time.  
  
Hitomi went into deep thought before she finally spoke. "I guess I must have been here before if everyone insists I have...but well...in the last two years I've been going to school. I've been studying hard. My parents got divorced and I'm living with my mother now but we don't get along much anymore. I use to spend the weekends with my dad but he's always busy so I don't go there often. My best friend is going out with my other friend...and I kind of just trail after them. I'm on the track team but I don't have much of a social life. That's about it..."  
  
Van mentally sighed a breath of relief. She was still single.  
  
"And what about you?" Hitomi's question surprised him. "What have you done since I've last supposedly been here?"  
  
"I've been...working on restoring Fanelia. On restoring this land after the war...and that's mainly it." Van replied, his gaze seemingly lost over the distance as he looked back into the past. More silence overtook the two.  
  
"King Van! I thought you said she was in no condition for visitors?!" Allen's voice broke the silence as he strutted up to the pair.  
  
Van spun around, glaring daggers at Allen. Great. This just wasn't his day.  
  
At first Hitomi was swept back by the beauty of this woman until she realized it was indeed a man. A very handsome man who had wispy locks of golden hair and fair skin that held back strong muscles. He seemed to have a glow about him, a sort of mystifying aura. Hitomi's peering gaze was stopped as the man suddenly took her into a warm tight embrace. Hitomi was in too much shock to struggle and all she could do was blush.  
  
"Allen." The venom in Van's voice was strong. "Hitomi needs her rest."  
  
And then the warm body was off of Hitomi, and she was left standing blankly in the cold. Looking at the two men standing side by side, she realized that the person by the name of Allen wasn't as handsome when compared to Van. Van had more of a dark, esoteric complexion. He was tough looking, a little rough about the edges with his raven hair and darkened skin. But there was an air about him, something that caught your attention. Maybe it was his wild spirit. While on the other hand, Allen had a refined look. He seemed almost angelic with his blond hair, his light but not pale skin and even his clothing appeared very formal and neat. When around him Hitomi felt awe struck but at the same time restless. But both men had a commanding look.  
  
Hitomi's jaw dropped. "D-Did you just call him...King...?" The honey haired girl felt as if her ears were deceiving her.  
  
"Yeah." Allen nodded his head slowly, giving her a confused look. Turning to Van, he muttered, "She really must have forgotten everything..."  
  
"Lady Hitomi..." Van bowed lightly. "I'm sorry if I forgot to mention that...yes, I am King of Fanelia. Fanelia is the country you're currently in."  
  
Hitomi's eyes bulged at this. She had never been in the presence of royalty before. And she had been so rude to him before too!! Her face reddened as she bowed repeatedly. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea that you were a...a king!"  
  
"It's ok! Stop bowing." Van tried not to chuckle as he resisted placing his hands on her shoulder.  
  
Allen rolled his eyes at this. "Since it appears you don't remember me, I'd like to introduce myself. I am Allen Schezar, a Caeli Knight."  
  
Hitomi blushed at the knight and bowed politely. "Nice to meet you, um...Sir Allen." All the formalities were starting to drive Hitomi crazy. "I'm Hitomi but it seems you already know this! Well...either way...I'm hungry so if one of you would kindly point me in the direction of the kitchen....?"  
  
"Sure. Would you like me to walk you there?" Van jumped to offer her his company.  
  
"I believe you have a meeting you should be attending to right now, your highness." Allen mocked Van by using his title. "I'll walk this lovely woman to the kitchen while you go to your meeting. The country needs to be run by somebody and they can't be having that somebody wasting their day wandering about the castle."  
  
Van had to bite his lip to keep from lashing out at the snobby knight. Through clenched teeth, he bid the two farewell and then disappeared into the castle.  
  
Allen turned towards Hitomi, smiling happily. "Allow me." He held out his arm, waiting for Hitomi to take it. Trembling, she slipped her arm into his.  
  
"Before we go to the kitchen...do you think I could change first? I remember where my room is, if you don't mind waiting." Hitomi looked down at her muddy and torn garment then back up at Allen.  
  
"It's no problem at all." Allen replied and they both progressed into the castle.  
  
~*~  
  
"Sir Van, we need to speak to you about something important." An elderly man sat across from Van rubbing his eyes tiredly. It had been a long and busy day.  
  
"Yes?" Van sighed, tapping his fingers impatiently on the table.  
  
"Well, not meaning to be rude but the days are flying by and you're not getting any younger. You need to produce a suitable heir for the throne someday soon." The man went on. "I know of many beautiful woman who would love to be by your side."  
  
"Let me guess." Van snorted at the idea of marrying a so-called beautiful woman. He knew what the man was getting at. "You want me to marry a flirtatious, ditzy, stupid airhead girl who is a daughter of some noble or prince. And it is also for the 'sake of the country' I suppose." Van rolled his eyes, tired of having this kind of talk with these people. He knew whom he wanted to marry and she was NOT some airhead rich girl who only wanted to marry the king for the riches and fame.  
  
"Of course not! Sir, I've already spoken with some royal people in Asturia. They've agreed to send some of their finest young ladies over for you. If you married one of them it would bring our two countries closer together." The man pushed further which only annoyed Van more.  
  
"I have other things to worry about." Van began to stand up.  
  
"Like what? That Mystic Moon girl?" The man snarled with anger. He had been trying to marry off Van for the last two years and he just wouldn't follow with his plans.  
  
"Don't speak of Hitomi like that!" Van retorted.  
  
"She'll never love you back! She left you to return to her world years ago! Let go of her Sir, it's a futile fight. How do you know if she still loves you? I've heard she's returned but is missing her memory. What if she purposely forgot about you? Even if she regained her memories, maybe her feelings have changed. I'm not trying to be rude but you need to think of the future of this country!!" The man bellowed.  
  
"SHUT UP!!" Van screamed, slamming his fists onto the oak table. A loud thud echoed through the silenced room. "SHUT UP! You will NOT speak of Hitomi like that in my presence!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I REFUSE TO BE MARRIED OFF TO SOME GIRL!"  
  
Behind him, Van heard the crash of glass breaking into pieces. Spinning around he found Hitomi staring blankly at him while Allen stood next to her, raising a skeptic eyebrow. In front of her feet was a shattered plate mixed with pieces of food. Hitomi turned around on her heel, marching as fast as she could out of the room.  
  
Van could only eye the place she had once been standing. He turned his gaze to Allen.  
  
The knight shrugged. "She wanted to ask you for a tour of the city...so I brought her here..."  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: No, I do not have anything against food and plates! They just...happen to get broken a lot in the story it seems. First Van's glass, then the plate Merle was carrying and now Hitomi's plate! No! I can't kill off all of the dish wear! What will people eat on?! Ok...erm...any ways...what do you all think of the new chapter? Jeez, I am so evil, aren't I?! Thanks for all the great reviews! Enjoy! 


	5. You May Never Run

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 5-  
  
  
  
"You May Never Run"  
  
"I'm going to make Hitomi remember! I swear I will and I'll try every little thing!" Merle stamped her foot determinedly on the hard floor.  
  
"And how do you propose to do that?" Dryden yawned, scratching the stubble on his chin. His curly chocolate colored hair cascaded down his shoulders where it was loosely tied back in a ponytail. His sparkling eyes scanned Merle over, both of them filled with mirth.  
  
"I-I'll figure out something! I'll...WHACK HER OVER THE HEAD!! Or...or something like that!" Merle was near tears now as she bit her lip to prevent them from spilling over.  
  
"Now don't cry. We'll find a way, maybe not right away but we will. And it might work itself out too." Dryden frowned at her outburst but was a bit confused.. "Why does it matter so much to you? Shouldn't you be happy, now you have Van all to yourself."  
  
"It's just like you to always question things Dryden. And I do have somebody I'm seeing." Merle crossed her arms angrily before the flair died down. After a short pause, she continued softly. "I don't even understand this all myself. So how can I possibly explain it to you if I don't know?" With this said, it only served to confuse Dryden more than he already was. He looked so serious that Merle could picture him trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together in his head, struggling to make sense out of everything. Merle sighed in thought. "Let's just put it like this. One day, it was as if somebody poured cold water all over me. It was waking me up from a daze. This helped me realize that whatever I did wouldn't do any good because Van had already chosen Hitomi, long before he even thought of me romantically."  
  
"I see..." Dryden nodded, still absently stroking his chin.  
  
"I can just see in his eyes that he loves her. And...if it weren't for her lack of memory I KNOW she'd feel the same way!! So I decided, instead of trying to take him for myself, why not just put him together with Hitomi again to end his misery?" The tears were now trickling down her cheeks. Tears that formed from the pain and remorse she felt in her heart. They gathered in her eyes and blurred her vision. "I have somebody else I care for now but...you know that I do love Van. And I want him to be happy. That's what you would naturally want for someone whom you care about, right?"  
  
Dryden could only nod in agreement as he patted her back gently to comfort her.  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi buried her face in the bed sheets, breathing in a strange scent that she figured was from what they used to wash the clothe. Not that it really mattered much...it probably wasn't the normal baby soft cleaning her mother used. She missed that smell, the smell of all things familiar to her. These things were...foreign. She let out a sigh. Why was everything so confusing? Why did this 'Van' guy love her any ways? She didn't even remember him. Was she supposed to love him back? No, that couldn't be right. She couldn't love somebody she didn't even know. If she were to ever love him, and she wasn't saying she would, Hitomi would have to get to know this stubborn king first. Tears spilled out of her eyes, soaking into the bed sheets. She mumbled to herself as she cried. "I never asked for this! I never asked for any of this! I want to go back home! I want to be with things I know! I want Yukari and Amano! But...I bet they don't even notice I'm gone." That only made the tears come out stronger and faster. "I want to go back to how things were before I showed up at this...this place!" Throwing out her fists in an act of anger, she slammed them into the mattress where they only bounced back. Suddenly, something hard cracked into the back of her skull. Hitomi's world went black.  
  
~*~  
  
"WHAT did you DO to her?!" Van cursed under his breath, trying his hardest not to yell at Merle.  
  
"What?" Merle gave him an innocent shrug. "I was just trying to help her regain her memory. Maybe a jolt to the head will make it all come back to her! When she wakes up and remembers, you'll thank me then!" The cat girl smirked defiantly, crossing her arms.  
  
"Yes but you probably gave her another CONCUSION! Now she'll think we're trying to KILL her too!!" Van pushed his hand up to his throbbing temples. Hitomi was sprawled out on Vans bed again and little did the Mystic Moon girl know, but the room she had been claiming as her own was truly the kings. But Van didn't mind, he had only moved to one down the hallway and had taken his things with him.  
  
"Well...I'll just tell her it was an accident." Merle raised her eyebrows suggestively, wanting Van's approve with what she had done.  
  
"Sure, whatever." Van rolled his eyes. For some strange reason, he was never able to stay mad at Merle for very long. Even if she HAD just knocked out the girl he loved. It was...well, for good reasons. "I just hope you didn't kill all her brain cells..."  
  
Suddenly, both of them froze. Hitomi winced in her sleep, obviously in some kind of pain. Whether it was physical or emotion, neither of them where quite sure.  
  
"S-Should we wake her up?" Merle edged closer to the bed nervously. Hitomi must have been having some kind of nightmare.  
  
"Whatever she's seeing isn't something pretty." Van frowned as Hitomi's eyebrows creased together and she winced. If it weren't for the single stray tear that trickled from her eye, he would have let her sleep more. He tentatively reached forward, grabbing onto Hitomi's shoulders. Slowly Van began to shake her gently but enough that it would wake her up.  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi didn't know where she was. All around her was blackness. It was a dark void yet somehow...it felt...familiar. She tried to make out what this place was but could come up with no answers. "H-hello?" She murmured, listening to her own voice echo for what seemed like forever. There was no reply. After a few moments, Hitomi felt as if somebody was standing near her. Glancing around though, her eyesight saw nothing but black.  
  
"You wanted to believe that you were completely content with what you had. You figured, why go out and take a chance elsewhere, if you already possessed what you believed made life worth living. You figured that if you're already completely happy, what could happen elsewhere but ill? That is, if you were certain that you were truly content..."  
  
Hitomi's shocked face spun around, searching for the owner of the voice. "What is THAT supposed to mean?! Show yourself!!"  
  
The voice seemed to laugh. It was mocking her. After a few moments, the chuckling disappeared and the voice grew serious once again. "Others may wish nothing but to remain in their sanctuary of familiarity forever. But no matter how much it hurts to change, there are some things from which you may never run. And the painful decision you fear the most...becomes the only choice..."  
  
"What do you mean?! Are you the reason I don't remember anything of Gaea?! Was this the only choice I had? To forget?! What choice was it? I don't get it!! Please, explain it to me!!" Hitomi cried out for some kind of answer from the voice. It seemed like it talked in riddles. It just didn't make any sense to her.  
  
"Hitomi Ka-"  
  
And all Hitomi could see was bright golden light. So bright, it blinded her. After a few moments her vision came into focus and she could see Van and that strange cat girl...Merle, staring down at her.  
  
"Are you ok? You seemed to be having a nightmare..." Van sheepishly told her. He was still shy after what she had heard him say.  
  
"Is that why you woke me up?" Hitomi rubbed her aching head. She felt a large lump buried under her hair. "So I was dreaming? And who whacked me on my head...?"  
  
"Erm..." Merle scooted closer to the bed. "You fell backwards." She lied, crossing her fingers behind her back. She just couldn't come up with an excuse for 'accidentally' slamming a pan into the back of Hitomi's head.  
  
"Oh." Hitomi raised a questioning eyebrow but decided she would worry about the truth later. She had bigger things to worry about other than...being knocked unconscious. Well, maybe. Who was that voice? And what did it mean? It had sounded so...cryptic. It was ready to give her answers to her questions and then THEY had wake her up!!!  
  
Quietly so that no one else heard, she repeated the words under her breath. "But no matter how much it hurts to change, there are some things from which you may never run. And the painful decision you fear the most...becomes the only choice..."  
  
But Hitomi never took into consideration that cats had better hearing than most normal human beings.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Merle turned towards Hitomi, giving her a demanding look.  
  
"By what?" Hitomi tried her best to appear clueless. If Merle could lie, so could she.  
  
Merle wasn't fooled by her act but instead of pushing Hitomi into further questioning, she stopped the conversation. She'd ponder about what Hitomi had said later on. "I'll go get you some food. You're probably hungry." And with that said, Merle scampered out of the uncomfortable room.  
  
Hitomi stared at her hands.  
  
Van stared at his.  
  
Crickets chirped outside, even if it wasn't very close to dark.  
  
Hitomi's stomach grumbled, causing her to blush a color near to that of a tomato.  
  
"Here, I'll go get you a glass of water." Van turned, rushing over to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. Within seconds the king emerged from the exquisite and very expensive looking bathroom, balancing a clear glass of cold sink water in his hands. He was making an attempt not to spill the liquid but at the same time was trying to rush back to the bedside. This was not working for as he almost 'bounced' over to Hitomi his foot caught on the tiniest bit of pushed-up marble. Van went flying forward, losing the little grace he had had in the past. Hitomi all but screamed as Van flew towards her at an amazingly high speed while the glass of water launched into the air, heading directly for her also. It was either to hold out her hands and block Van and get drenched or let Van smash into her while she attempted to catch the dangerously fragile glass. But Hitomi's coordination failed her at that exact moment as Van collapsed on top of her and all the water the glass contained soaked the both of them. Luckily for Hitomi though, the glass missed her by inches and was shattered on the beige floor.  
  
Panic gripped Van's heart as he grew fearful of what Hitomi might do. He froze on top of her, too scared and too paranoid to move. This was only another reason for her to hate him. She would surely slap him or shove him as far away from her as she could. What little respect she might have for him would be gone. Hitomi Kanzaki would hate Van Fanel forever.  
  
But the honey haired girl did the thing that Van least expected.  
  
She laughed.  
  
Her voice was like an angels, as her laughter seemed almost like a soothing song. He could feel her stomach pitch with each sharp intake of breath that she took while her face reddened and she kept laughing. After what seemed like forever, Hitomi finally had control over what she could do and say.  
  
She blushed only more when she looked down at Van's confused face. But the look on his face was too much for her to handle. He had such confusion and innocent embarrassment in his eyes that Hitomi could only laugh harder.  
  
"I don't see what's so funny." Van grumbled when he finally regained his composure, after the shock wore off. He pushed himself up off her while he tried to straighten his now soaked shirt. Hitomi blushed as she realized that she could see the outline of his muscles for his shirt was stuck to him. Luckily, she had the bed sheets to cover herself with.  
  
An image of Van's confused face appeared in Hitomi's mind while she yelled out in answer to his question, "YOU!!!" And once again, laughter claimed the poor girl who could only gasp for air. Her past troubles where currently forgotten for the moment.  
  
After forgetting his initial shock and chagrin, Van watched Hitomi laugh. She looked so...happy. Watching her body trembling with joy as she chuckled, Van could only join her. At first it was only a few muffled giggles but soon it turned into full-blown laughter.  
  
Outside in the hallway, Merle had one ear pressed up against the door while she balanced a tray full of food in her hand. She sniggered silently to herself before she leaned down, placing the tray gently on the floor next to the door. Still smiling to herself, she turned and quietly crept back down the hallway. If one were gifted with the hearing of a cat, they would have heard her mutter under her breath, "I guess a whack on the head does solve relationship problems..."  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: I broke a glass! And I didn't even mean to continue the trend! The horror! =) OK, this is Van and Hitomi's relationship before the story. Like a clock, running smoothing and working perfectly, all gears in place. Then I come along with a bunch of wrenches. And throw them into the gears. Mwuahahahaha! Ok, enough with freaking out my readers. Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you all like my weird story idea! I've finished my Saint Tail story so I can now fully devote myself to this one! *cheers* Please review! Thank you! 


	6. The Tear Shaped Necklace

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 6-  
  
  
  
"The Tear Shaped Necklace"  
  
Van smiled to himself. He was in his study, which was a secluded room filled with a variety of books. In the center was a round wooden table with a few oak chairs and to the left of the table, between shelves of books, was a tiny fireplace. It as built into the wall and was lined with a pale silver colored kind of rock and when the light hit the rocks from the right angle, they seemed to glimmer with thousands of tiny lights. Maybe things weren't going so bad. He and Hitomi had laughed their heads off the day before. Maybe she didn't think he was such a 'freak' after all. He giggled joyfully to himself, and if anybody else had been in the room they would have thought the king had lost his mind.  
  
Suddenly, a tiny creaking noise caused Van to jump. He spun around in his chair to find a shy face peeking in the door at him. "Come in." His face softened as Hitomi pulled open the door fully and stepped into the light. She was wearing tan pants that seemed a lot like his except a bit more feminine and they were cut at her ankles. She had on low cut dark brown boots and a light green shirt that complimented her eyes. The shirt was short sleeved and was tied at the top with white string. Over that she had a beige cloak but the hood was draped off her head. He took in a sharp breath. Even now, with the light of the fire making her face glow, she was breath taking.  
  
"Um...I just want to say...." Hitomi stuttered. "Not like it really matters...but I'm going out with Allen to view the city. That's ok, right?"  
  
Van felt his heart sink. The blonde playboy had slithered to HIS Hitomi and asked her to accompany him on a view of the city. Of course she had accepted, and as if she would have gone with Van the king any ways. "Have fun." The raven-haired boy muttered to Hitomi. All the joy he had been feeling was now utterly and completely gone.  
  
"Ok...I'll see you later Van." Hitomi said as she turned back towards the door.  
  
"I wish I could tell you how I feel about you...right now..." Van thought to himself as he watched her retreating form.  
  
"Hitomi...?" He unconsciously whispered her name.  
  
"What?" Hitomi glanced back as she froze in the doorway.  
  
"Oh...it's nothing. Sorry." Van couldn't do it. He knew he couldn't get use to this kind of life because it would end one day. She would have to go back and it would end, just like last time. So why get used to it? But all of his feelings were blocked. He didn't have the courage to voice them. He wished with all his heart that he could have said those words. Simple words. He wasn't even sure that she would respond to them. I love you. Van sighed as he stood up, pushing in his chair. He couldn't concentrate on his studying now. As he left the room, he could see her slowly dawdling figure stumble down the hallway. Maybe she was stalling because she didn't want to go with Allen. Van hoped that this was true. As he watched her leave, her eyes seemed to become so melancholy. He thought to himself, "Will you smile, only once for me? Will you cry? Tell me that you love me too? Will you confess and leave my heart lonely or alive? Just tell me...tell me..."  
  
But then Hitomi disappeared around the corner and the king was left alone in the darkened hallway.  
  
~*~  
  
"What's that?!" Hitomi leaned out of the moving carriage she was sitting in as she pointed at a scaly looking being.  
  
Allen chuckled. She was acting so innocent, like a five-year-old. It was hard to believe what Van had told him had happened to her. She obviously acted as if nothing was wrong but then again- she HAD lost her memory. And Hitomi had always been one to hide her true feelings.  
  
"Can we stop here? I want to look in the market place!!" Hitomi bounced in her seat, smiling at Allen with hope.  
  
"Sure." Allen smiled as he motioned the diver to stop. Hitomi hopped out of the now open door and waited patiently for Allen. After he joined her side, the two commenced to wander the bustling streets. Hitomi loved it there. This place was moving with so much life, so many people just living their lives out day by day. Everything seemed so simple and in place. Hitomi wanted to be like that.  
  
"These are really good." Hitomi commented while chewing on a new kind of sandwich that Allen had bought her. "Thank you."  
  
"No problem my dear." Allen brushed back a strand of his yellow hair, gazing at Hitomi fondly.  
  
Hitomi blushed under his eyes. She fidgeted uncomfortably. Yes, she liked this Allen knight but for some reason whenever she was around him she felt nervous. As if she had to be uptight and the way he kept watching her made her feel kind of creepy. She diverted her attention from his staring eyes to look at a vendor they were passing by. It was filled with neatly crafted fine jewelry. "Wow...that's beautiful." Hitomi poked at a golden chain that was adorned with three heart-shaped sapphire jewels. Her eyes scanned the groups of rings and bracelets before her they fell upon a particular piece of art. It had a thin golden chain and a red-pink tear shaped gem on the end. "My grandmother gave me a necklace JUST like that! Except it has a silver chain!" Hitomi gasped at the dazzling piece of work as she held back her fingers. She wanted to pick the necklace up except the storeowner seemed to be eyeing them suspiciously.  
  
"Yes, I do remember you wearing that." Allen remarked before catching himself. But it was already too late. He had brought up the time she had forgotten.  
  
"I had it when I was here before? That's really strange because about two years ago I lost it. I have no idea where it went. I had had it with me and then it just seemed to vanish and I never was able to find it. I looked everywhere!" Hitomi looked at Allen with a shocked expression. Maybe now she could gather some answers from him. From somebody at least.  
  
"Of course you wouldn't find it because you gave it to Van before you left Gaea. And you wouldn't remember doing that because you're missing your memories." Allen crossed his arms, giving her a 'matter-of-fact' look. "Excuse me." Allen looked up at the man who stood behind the vendor. "I'd like to buy this necklace." He held up the tear-shaped jewelry.  
  
"Sure." The man took the money from Allen and handed them the necklace.  
  
"But that must have been expensive!" Hitomi shook her head. "I can't accept it." But Allen was already hooking the chain behind her neck.  
  
"You will keep it." Allen commanded her, smirking lightly. "It looks wonderful on you. Just like the other one did."  
  
"Oh." Hitomi squeaked as they wandered away from the vendor, mostly being pushed along by the flow of people. "Thank you." She ran her fingers over the smooth, cool gem. It almost felt as if there were power in the gem itself. Letting her mind wander back to before Allen had brought the necklace, she asked him, "What exactly did I do when I was here...?" Hitomi pushed the question. "Why was I brought here back then?"  
  
Allen sighed. He thought that the poor girl could at least be given some kind of answer to her questions. He knew if they kept hiding the truth from her, she'd grow angry with them. "You were chosen to come to Gaea so that you could save our world. We were at war and many horrible things were happening. You saved everyone." Allen pushed past a group of people.  
  
Hitomi's jaw went slack as she stopped in the middle of the street before Allen dragged her to the side. "You've got to be kidding me?! ME?! Hitomi? Save an ENTIRE WORLD?! Not in this lifetime, that's for sure. I guess you really are crazy." Hitomi stated. She began to briskly walk back to where they had left the carriage hours ago.  
  
"If you want proof of what I said, go ask Van to see your grandmother's necklace. He still wears it to this day." Allen followed after Hitomi quickly. Great. Now she thought he had lost his marbles too.  
  
"Fine! Maybe I WILL go ask him!" Hitomi rudely jumped into the carriage and then was followed in by Allen. Soon the two of them were back inside the castle.  
  
~*~  
  
"King Van, how are you this fine day?" The old man from before stood at the end of a long table. Van was back in the meeting room that he had to visit every single day.  
  
"As good as I'll ever be. And you, Sir Griffin?" Van cracked his knuckles tiredly.  
  
"Good, good. I have wonderful news!" The man, also known as Griffin, grinned. He had Van trapped now. Even if the king tried to wiggle his way out of this one, he would only fail.  
  
"And what would that be?" Van was afraid to hear what Griffin had to say. He knew it had to be something bad. But luck seemed to be on his side today as the large door was flung open. A red faced and annoyed looking Hitomi sprinted into the room, ignoring the gawking old man. She ran over to Van, grabbing him up by his shirt.  
  
"Do you have a pink tear shaped gem on a chain? One that was my grandmothers?!" Hitomi was beginning to grow furious. How could they have hidden something like this from her? She had saved their world! And they had never told her that! If it was true, that is, and if she saw the necklace, it would only confirm it as the truth. She was afraid of it being the truth yet it would then explain a lot.  
  
Van looked at Allen who stood at the back of the room. The knight could only shrug with an innocent look. It seemed all his companions wanted to get him in trouble with Hitomi some way or another. Van didn't know what to do except for to answer Hitomi honestly. Hesitantly, he pulled out the necklace that was tucked under his shirt.  
  
Hitomi stood there in shock, fingering the gem that was still around Van's neck. It was true; it was her grandmother's necklace. Her necklace. The one she had 'lost.' Hitomi let out a puff of breath. So it WAS true. She HAD been to this world before. She HAD given her necklace to this...Van person. Why? This was so confusing.  
  
"EXCUSE ME!!" Griffin cleared his throat loudly before he yelled at the two men and the strange woman. "I believe you have just interrupted the king's conversation with me."  
  
They all ignored him.  
  
"If you have my necklace....then that means it's all true. It's all true..." Hitomi stepped back in shock, her eyes seeming to glaze over with a distant look. "I'm the one who forgot. I forgot it all....I let everyone I knew down because I forgot...and here I was yelling at them all and calling them crazy...I'm the crazy one..."  
  
An eerie silence filled the room.  
  
"King Van, I present to you the high noble woman of Asturia..." Griffin broke the silence as he nearly bellowed the words. "The Lady Azumi."  
  
A woman stepped into the room shyly. She ignored Hitomi and gave Allen a flirty look before her attention turned to the king. She was very thin, giving her a delicate appearance. But Hitomi had to admit that the woman had all the curves in all the right places. She had milky skin, deep blue eyes and bundles of sunshine yellow hair were twisted into braids and buns on her head. The woman wore a pale pink silk dress that billowed out at her hips because of wire hoops in the dress. It was cut low and was lined with lace on every free end it seemed. Around her throat she wore a single dark pink ribbon tied in a bow. From it dangled a very large and expensive looking ruby. She wore white gloves that covered her hands and went up to her elbow while a gold and ruby encrusted bracelet circled her wrists. The Lady Azumi was beautiful. She was like a rare rose, standing out among all the wild flowers.  
  
"Welcome to Fanelia my Lady." Van bowed politely before he turned to Griffin. He tried to whisper, "And what is she doing here?"  
  
Griffin smirked and said loudly, "Why...she is your fiancée, of course."  
  
Van's eyes widened and he felt his mouth drop open.  
  
Azumi blushed.  
  
Griffin kept on grinning like a maniac.  
  
Allen attempted to keep his eyes from wandered all over Azumi but he was failing miserably. He had been given a new object of desire for the time being.  
  
Hitomi turned from the room, sprinting out of the doorway before a word could even escape from Van's mouth. She tried to dodge a surprised-looking Merle but failed as the glass Merle was carrying smashed into the floor. The cat girl also ended up flat on the floor.  
  
But Hitomi didn't stop running. Her feet carried her down the hallway, past her bedroom, and down more hallways until she finally found the entrance to the gardens. There, she collapsed into the grass and tried to fight against the hot tears.  
  
If she didn't even like this Van person...then...why did her heart hurt her so much...?  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: Alas, I continued the trend yet again. Merle dropped her glass! I just had to do that! So what did everybody think of the new chapter? Thanks for all the great reviews! Remember, the more reviews I get the more inspiration I gain and the more I want to write the story! Thank you and I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter! 


	7. The Person Just For You?

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 7-  
  
  
  
"The Person Just for You?"  
  
"I don't understand it at all." Hitomi fought the urge to break down in tears but she held back. Hitomi was a strong woman, was she not? And she refused to cry other something she didn't get. She let her body take in the cool feel of the grass against her skin. The honey haired girl tried to make sense of all the things she was feeling. Betrayal. Hurt. Sorrow. Jealousy. Hitomi spoke out loud, hoping it would somehow clear the foggy swirl that was her mind. "I don't know Allen or Van. They know me but I don't know them, at least I can't remember either of them. But I was the one who forgot. I forgot my feelings for these people and my memories of them. It's MY fault that they're hurting. And who was that Azumi girl? Shouldn't people marry for love? But then again, this is a whole different world. She was so beautiful- I could never compete with somebody like that. I'm only a common everyday girl...what would a king or knight want to do with me? Nothing. Why does it matter though? Why do I feel so jealous of her? For all I know I could have hated Van in the past or maybe I'm jealous because I did love him..." Hitomi ran her fingers through her hair, ignoring the salty tears that streaked down her pale cheeks. "But it appears as if I'm was close to this Allen man. Did I love him? DO I love him? Do I love Van? Do I love anyone?! I DON'T KNOW!! AGH!! This is so confusing!" Hitomi nearly screamed with frustration. All this thinking was beginning to make her head throb. "Why should it matter who I love when I'll return home soon? Do I even love anyone here? Wouldn't it be better for Van to marry Azumi? I might leave soon. I might never remember them. Could Van or Allen still love me? WHY AM I THINKING OF ONLY THOSE TWO?! Maybe I loved somebody else; somebody that isn't them. Did I? Who do I care for? Why is this so damn confusing? I just don't understand how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to think." Her voice grew silent as she pondered over what she had just stated. Her tiny body trembled.  
  
Suddenly, a voice interrupted her thought process.  
  
"Trying to figure things out I see." Gaddess smiled, walking up behind Hitomi. With a quick motion, he sat on the ground next to her.  
  
Hitomi's face turned many shades of red before she finally found her voice to speak. "I didn't know you were there...I'm sorry..."  
  
Gaddess chuckled at her. "Don't be offended, I'm sure it's hard to forget all the things you did. I don't know what it's like but I know how confusing matters of the heart can be."  
  
Hitomi peered up at the rough looking man in astonishment. "How so?" She was curious now on what this fighter had to share.  
  
Gaddess appeared as if he had gone into another world as he pointed across the courtyard. There, at the far end, was a delicate-looking blond girl. "See that beauty over there? That's Allen's sister Celena. The girl who has stolen this rugged man's heart."  
  
Hitomi gapped. She had never even noticed the curly haired girl at the end of the garden. She was Allen's sister? Allen HAD a sister? And Gaddess loved her? She glanced at the blushing man. "Oh....have you told her your feelings yet?"  
  
Gaddess frowned at this. "No. I don't think she cares for me more than a friend or companion."  
  
"How can you be so sure if you don't ask?" Hitomi's interest on this situation was sparked. She wanted to help this kind man so badly.  
  
"I just can't." Gaddess sighed loudly. "I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to turn me down and I don't want to lose our friendship. Hmm...Here, how about I'll give you some advice and you give me some afterwards? Ok?" He looked at Hitomi with anticipation.  
  
"Uh..." Hitomi figured she needed all the help she could get. "I guess so. OK. My problem is-" She began but was quickly cut off.  
  
Gaddess held up his hand. "I know, I heard you before." He smiled warmly. "If I were you, here is what I'd do. Close you eyes. Clear your mind. Relax."  
  
Hitomi hesitated, a bit confused but she followed his directions. Her eyes- orbs of jade- shut and her breathing slowed.  
  
"Think of him. Or rather, of them. Of Allen and Van. Forget what everyone tells you to feel. Forget everything you've heard them say. When you picture them, don't try to remember either. Don't try to remember your memories or past feelings or anything. Just picture them and only them- nothing else." Gaddess ordered quietly.  
  
Hitomi cleared her mind, picturing an image of Allen and Van. She tried to erase all of the things she had heard others say, about her loving Van. She tried to stop remembering the past. She cleared everything away until it was only her, Van, Allen and Gaddess' voice.  
  
"Now...how do they make you feel when you see them? What does your heart say? Trust only the words of your heart." Gaddess instructed. "Trust nothing else."  
  
Hitomi nodded numbly as she was overwhelmed with emotions.  
  
"How do you feel about each of them?" Gaddess demanded with a whisper.  
  
Hitomi quivered as she began to speak. "Well....w-when I see Allen...I feel restless and sort of like I'm in awe. Sometimes I feel uneasy though...when I'm alone with him. I feel almost childish at times by the way he'll look at me."  
  
Gaddess smiled briefly before it was erased again. "Now what about Van?"  
  
She struggled to put her feelings into words. "I feel...restless also but...it's different from the feeling of restlessness I get with Allen. It's like...I feel giddy but at peace at the same time. It's strange. I feel tranquil...safe...protected...loved and...h-happy..." Hitomi opened her eyes, staring ahead at the wild flowers in shock. Her eyes were wide and her jaw slack.  
  
"I think you know your hearts answer then." Gaddess smiled joyfully at the girl's surprise.  
  
Hitomi pulled up her jaw so she didn't look like a fish. She suddenly felt more at ease. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off her shoulders. But then she was pounded with a thousand other worries. "But he's engaged! I'm just a regular girl. Why would he choose me over a noblewoman? A princess possibly! Plus I might have to leave soon. And how can he still love me without my memories?!"  
  
Gaddess leaned back on his hands. "If he's truly 'the one'...if it's true love...then...he'll overlook all of that stuff."  
  
Hitomi gazed up at the now-setting sun. She had been out in the garden longer than she had expected. "I suppose you're right. I'm just....scared."  
  
"Everyone is scared. Some just hide it better than others." Gaddess yawned, scratching is side.  
  
"Now, about my advice for you..." Hitomi began while a full smile formed on her face.  
  
"No thanks." Gaddess held up both of his hands. "Our little talk has opened my own eyes too. It has shown me what I should do..."  
  
"Are you sure?" Hitomi felt bad. Gaddess had just helped her figure out so many things; she had to repay him somehow.  
  
"As sure as I'll ever be." The man began to stand up, stretching out his sore muscles.  
  
"I still don't think I can tell him how I feel though. I know he'll reject me..." Hitomi looked down at the ground sadly.  
  
"Let's make a little deal." Gaddess held out his hand for her to take, which she did. With a quick swoop, he pulled Hitomi up on her feet. "If I confess my love to Celena, then you have to confess yours to Van. Ok? We have a deal?" He gave her an inquiring look.  
  
"Uh..." Hitomi pondered his proposal quickly before smiling and shaking his hand. "Deal."  
  
The sunset at that moment was one of the most enchanting Hitomi had ever seen.  
  
~*~  
  
Van rubbed his throbbing temples. Great. Just great. His advisors had to go and arrange a MARRIAGE for him!! Now the poor girl was standing there waiting for his response! While Hitomi had just ran out of the room teary- eyed. And what had she asked about his necklace? This was a little too strange for his liking.  
  
"Um...I'm sorry Lady Azumi but...I'm a bit busy at the moment." Van nervously tried to make up an excuse to get the woman to leave.  
  
Allen had already marched up to her and was bowing, kissing her delicate and smooth hand.  
  
"It's all right my lord. I can wait here forever." Her voice was smooth yet it held some kind of note of something Van couldn't quite figure out.  
  
"You don't understand. I give you my deepest apologizes but I can't have a marriage right now." Van gritted his teeth. He always felt guilty about these things.  
  
"I fear you don't understand." Azumi smirked now, giving the woman an almost demonic look. "I was sent here to be married to King Van of Fanelia. I won't leave until I am."  
  
Never had Van met a woman so straightforward as her. Well, besides Hitomi. And it appeared as if trouble had just come knocking on his door once again.  
  
"Lady Azumi, I'll ask you once more. Will you please leave?" Van was through with being polite and feeling guilty. He wanted this threatening and dangerously beautiful woman out of his sight. Hitomi had been upset. She needed him.  
  
"No." Azumi grinned wickedly.  
  
"Let me show you to your rooms." Allen bowed deeply, taking Azumi by her arm before leading her out of the large room.  
  
Van growled as annoyance filled him. "Thanks Allen....thanks." His sarcastic tone only made Griffin smirk more.  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi looked at her surroundings. She was in the darkness again. The same antagonizing, frightful black void. Hitomi was a bit afraid of what it would say this time or whether it was friendly or not. Last time she had been given some sort of strange prophecy, or so she thought.  
  
And right on cue, the voice spoke to Hitomi.  
  
"Is that the dream you want?" It said.  
  
At first Hitomi was confused but after a moment the darkness seemed to show her what it meant. Her dream of being happy and with the ones she loved.  
  
The voice continued. "Is that what your happiness is? Will it make you truly happy?"  
  
Hitomi shrugged. She grew a bit more comfortable but she was still on alert.  
  
The voice replied, "You don't know because...happiness depends on the individual person. Everybody is different; no two people are the same. What makes one person happy might make another person sad. People's souls, their emotions and thoughts, come in all shapes and sizes. And as time goes on and a person grows, their soul can change. Their dreams....and their hopes can change. That's why...there isn't just one type of happiness in the world..."  
  
Hitomi looked at the blackness, feeling herself being consumed by the color itself. "But...there has to be a way that I can be happy too? ...Right?"  
  
"That is what we all want, isn't it?" The voice let out a sorrowful sigh but it still seemed to smile. "To find the person just for you. To find your own happiness. That would be wonderful...wouldn't it?"  
  
But before Hitomi could nod, her eyes opened up to the golden sunshine of the morning.  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: **GASP** I...I...I DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING THIS CHAPTER! NOOOOO!!! *takes deep breathes* Well...with a lot of therapy I may be able to get over this. Don't worry though, the breaking stuff will be a recurring theme throughout the story. It's just when you do it EVERY chapter it tends to grow old but keep your eyes peeled for smashed stuff later on! So what do you think of the new chapter? It was mostly getting things sorted out and such. I don't mean to make everybody hate Allen!!! I'm sorry! It's just...he's fun to use as an obstacle for Hitomi and Van to both get over. He's just perfect for that job! And then there's Gaddess...I don't know why but throughout the series I was sort of drawn to him. That man HAS to have more of a story to him. Maybe in some upcoming chapters we'll have a peek at why he's so brotherly to Hitomi and advice-full. ^_^ Thanks for all the great comments! Please review and I hoped you enjoyed the new chapter! 


	8. Where Are You Going

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 8-  
  
"Where Are You Going?"  
  
Hitomi stared down at her plate, moving the peas and mashed potatoes around in a little design. So far she had succeeded in making a big smiley face.  
  
"It's rude to play with your food." Azumi snorted at Hitomi, smirking as if she had just beaten the girl in some kind of race.  
  
"Shut up." Hitomi snapped back. She was sick and tired of the stuck-up comments that Azumi had been making towards her all dinner.  
  
Van rolled his eyes while Azumi turned towards him, giving him large watery puppy dog eyes. "V-Van that rough....violent girl told me to shut up! She can't do that to a noble woman!"  
  
"Hitomi can do what she wishes." Van retorted. This brought a smug smile to Hitomi's face. They were all having dinner down a long wooden table. Each had a plum purple velvet cushion on their seat while golden tassels hung from the pillows. The back of the chair was left uncovered, showing off the dark stained wooden back that was decorated with swirls of gold and silver. As not to create any unintentional jealous, nobody had chosen to sit at the head of the table. Van had insisted that Millerna or Dryden sat there but they insisted he sat there. In the end, nobody did. The seating of the table started with Dryden on one side and Millerna sitting across from him. Then Hitomi was next to Millerna and Van was next to Dryden. Azumi was next to Van and Merle was next to Hitomi. Allen was sitting next to Azumi and Celena was next to Allen. Gaddess was next to Merle. Then the table ended.  
  
Hitomi glanced up at Van, blushing whenever he caught her eyes on him, which was a lot. She tried to push back the images of him telling her he loved her but it was so hard to do. She wanted her wish to come true. He looked so shy, sitting there quietly eating his dinner. She could do nothing but stare at him breathlessly while she tried to hide the looks she kept giving him. She was too scared of what his reaction would be. Would he still love her, even if she couldn't remember what past they had? Did it really matter if she remember or not? Would he....COULD he...love her? The questions haunted Hitomi continuously.  
  
~*~  
  
Where are you going  
  
With your long face pulling down?  
  
Don't hide away like an ocean  
  
But you can't see, but you can smell  
  
And the sound waves crash down  
  
~*~  
  
Van kept noticing Hitomi glancing at him with a strange sort of longing look. At this, his face crimsoned. Why would she want him? Hitomi wanted to go home, not to stay and rule a kingdom by his side. She had a family and a place in her world. Van had to give up on his love. She could never love him back, not with everything that had been happening to her. And then he had Azumi who was, he would admit, beautiful. Her insides weren't as pretty as her outsides though. She was stuck up and pushy. But he had to produce an heir to his throne soon, did he not? And he couldn't make Hitomi remember the past and their love. As Merle had told him, why would he want her to remember all the painful things that had happened to her? The best way to forget about Hitomi was to force himself to love someone else. Azumi had been the first to come along. He would at least pretend to love the girl until Hitomi returned home. That would help to ease his shattered heart.  
  
Azumi turned towards Van, shunning Hitomi. She latched her arm around his, smirking as Hitomi hid a hurt expression. Van didn't pull away- he only sat there blankly staring at his plate.  
  
~*~  
  
I am no superman, not at all  
  
I have no answers for you  
  
I am no hero, oh that's for sure  
  
But I do know one thing for sure  
  
Is where you are is where I belong  
  
~*~  
  
Merle smirked, noticing the looks Hitomi kept sending Van. Why was the dense boy doing nothing?! Well, he WAS doing SOMETHING but it was a very stupid something. He was flirting right back with Azumi. The cat girl bounced angrily in her seat before her elbow knocked into her glass of water. The glass fell over with a shatter, sending little pieces along with water all over the floor. "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!" Merle winced as all eyes at the table locked on her. She got up to clean the mess.  
  
"Don't worry about it." Van ordered Merle to sit back down while a maid walked over and calmly began to clean it all up. The maid frowned. How many glasses and plates were these people planning to break? If they kept this up at their rate the castle would have no more glass things left.  
  
Allen sighed as Azumi ignored him. The lovely woman just kept brushing off all of his moves towards her. He tried to block out his sister's joyful giggles over something that Gaddess had said to her. Those two seemed so inseparable lately. He turned around, clearing his throat to catch Azumi's attention but she made no move towards him. She only kept on talking to Van. So he cleared his throat again.  
  
Celena turned towards him. "Brother, are you sick? Do you want some water to drink?"  
  
Allen sighed. "No I'm not sick." He hung his head, hoping that Azumi might notice. Of course, she didn't.  
  
Millerna glanced over at her husband with a sigh. Dryden could only shake his head.  
  
~*~  
  
I do know, where you go, is where I want to be  
  
Where are you going, where do you go?  
  
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?  
  
If along the way you are growing weary,  
  
You can rest with me until a brighter day  
  
It's okay  
  
~*~  
  
"I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him." Hitomi repeated, pacing back and forth in the hallway. She was waiting for the king to emerge from his meeting. She swore if the floor had been made of carpet, there would be none left in the spot she was walking in. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he stepped out. Van paused in the doorway and turned, talking to someone. Hitomi couldn't see whom he was with so she tried to gather his attention.  
  
"Van! Van!!" She called out to him nervously, her entire body trembling as she gathered up her courage.  
  
Van turned to her, smiling. She paused. What was that she had just seen in his eyes? Regret? Sorrow? Just WHAT was that meeting about? But Hitomi's thought process stopped as Van walked into the hallway now- with Azumi clinging to his arm.  
  
"Yes Hitomi?" He walked over to her, Azumi smiling gleefully while she hung onto him.  
  
"Nothing." Hitomi mumbled before turning tail and retreating down the hallway.  
  
"What was that about dear?" Azumi bounced with an evil glint in her eye.  
  
"I don't know." Van replied while he tried to nurse a growing headache. "Those advisors just won't let up..."  
  
"I think it's good that they're persistent. It'll get things done around here, like our wedding arrangements." And with that said, the two separated, each heading to gather a good night's rest.  
  
~*~  
  
I am no superman  
  
I have no answers for you  
  
I am no hero, oh that's for sure  
  
But I do know one thing for sure  
  
Is where you are, is where I belong  
  
I do know, where you go  
  
Is where I want to be  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi looked up at Van as he dodged under a quick-moving sword. The king was sparing outside with his guard trainees. His brow dripped with sweat as his muscles shined in the sunlight. With another swirl, Van held his opponent by the neck with his sword. Letting him go, Van smiled and began the process all over again. The Mystic Moon girl was sitting across the yard in the grass, unknown to Van or any others.  
  
Hitomi took advantage of the opportunity to just look at Van. She studied the contours of his face quietly. She figured it was best to make a million memories in the little time she had.  
  
Van paused. He swore he had just noticed a blur of honey colored hair in the distance. Taking his eyes off of his opponent, he looked over in the direction where Hitomi was sitting. He blushed as he noticed her watching him. Then he found himself sprawled on the ground with a sword pointed at his chest. "Great. That'll impress her." He thought to himself as he shook his head. He never should have taken his eyes away but still, he was glad she was there in a way. But what did it matter? He was going to marry Azumi soon. He had to forget Hitomi. The only reason he was marrying her WAS to forget Hitomi.  
  
Hitomi smirked as Van went plundering into the ground. He deserved it after he had discovered her watching. Especially after he had spent nearly all morning and lunch with Azumi. She giggled. His blush had only added to his beauty. Hitomi doubted she could ever tell the king of her feelings. She had come close, but the moment had been ruined. She was partly glad of this for she knew if Van had been alone, she would have only frozen up. She would find it easier to say the words if she could only think them.  
  
There had been a time when thinking the words were as easy as breathing, but of course Hitomi had no memory of this. She had no memory of watching Van like this, sighing over every expression that graced his features. But she wasn't that girl with memories anymore.  
  
What would her past self have thought if she had been in Hitomi's position? Little did she know that she would have made sure that their love for each other was returned both ways. She would have never allowed her love to be hurt if she could help it.  
  
What was she so afraid of? Hitomi had been thinking that question over and over again for the last night and day. She had spent her day mostly mulling over her thoughts in her room, eating lunch and then spying on Van while he sparred. And she always thought what WAS she so afraid of? Were her fears more important than that glint of disappointment that seemed to flicker in Van's maroon eyes when she avoided his gaze?  
  
~*~  
  
Where are you going, where do you go?  
  
Where do you go, where are you going?  
  
Where do you go?  
  
~*~  
  
Yukari would laugh at her. Hitomi could hear her friends mocking voice. "Can't 'fess up to it, can you Hitomi? Aren't you the one who is always telling everyone that they need to live fully in whatever time they have? And here you are, afraid of the future that you can't enjoy the very thing you so fear losing! Pathetic if you ask me. You'll lose him if you don't stand up and state your feelings. Be brave. You need to take your own advice before it's too late."  
  
Maybe Van would leave her for good because she couldn't confess her love to him. "Maybe he'll believe that I don't love him back and he'll leave me to find someone who will." She thought to herself. "Maybe he deserves someone who will..."  
  
Van clapped his hands, dusting the dirt off of them. Practice was over for now.  
  
Hitomi stood up, pushing away her thoughts. She smiled. She would bring a towel or something over for him to wipe off on. Or maybe she could get him some water. But her plans were ruined as Lady Azumi ran up to Van, throwing a wet cloth over his shoulders happily.  
  
Azumi leaned in, massaging the cool towel against his fiery hot skin.  
  
Hitomi felt tears prickle in her eyes and she turned her back to Van, missing his annoyed look. She sunk back down into the grass, closing her eyes as an exhausting feeling enveloped her body.  
  
Then she found herself back in the familiar darkness. As if on cue, the same voice spoke to her.  
  
This time it sounded so cryptic it frightened Hitomi.  
  
"The more you love, the more you are betrayed. And the more likely you are to be stabbed in the depths of your heart." It sounded much like a warning.  
  
"That's not true! What is that supposed to mean any ways?!" Hitomi snarled angrily. "Why do you always speak to me like you're some kind of poem book?!"  
  
The voice seemed to frown at her insolence. "The rope connected to your destiny is very weak...but the rope that connects you to the stars is...."  
  
And Hitomi's eyes were staring up at the dimming afternoon sun. It was getting near dusk. She had fallen asleep outside and was now shivering, her clothes a bit damp from the earth. Trying to forget what the voice had said, Hitomi came to a decision. She would tell Van how she felt no matter what, plus, then Gaddess would have to confess to Celena also. Even if she was scared, even if she was afraid and even if he rejected her, it wouldn't matter because she could still go home and have to never see him again. The decision was made and Hitomi knew she had to do it now, for if she didn't she would surely loose all of her confidence right then. Hitomi was going to prove to that evil voice that it was wrong. She believed that the more you love someone, the happier you are and the more they love back.  
  
Of course she didn't know her belief was about to be proven wrong.  
  
Hitomi stretched out like a regal cat before she sauntered into the castle, heading for Van's room. But soon she found herself lost, wandering from hallway to hallway.  
  
~*~  
  
I am no Superman, I have no answers for you  
  
I am no hero, oh that's for sure  
  
But I do know one thing, is where you are,  
  
Is where I belong  
  
I do know where you go, is where I want to be.  
  
Where are you going, where do you go?  
  
~*~  
  
"Lady Azumi. I will ask you once more, please leave." Van growled at the woman, clenching his hands into fists. They were in the castle study, both speaking in hoarse whispers.  
  
"I will not leave. I once heard of your love for this Hitomi girl but I never believed the tale to be true. And then I heard she returned but has forgotten you. So why hold onto that love? She was irresponsible enough to forget you. If she loved you, she would never have been able to forget you." Azumi taunted, running her fingers down Van's arm. "You are marrying me. Not her."  
  
"Shut up." Van felt a heavy sadness fill his heart. Her words sounded so true. What was the use? Hitomi had forgotten him. Forgotten their love. She was going to return home one day and he'd be left all alone for a second time. "You know not of what you speak." Van rubbed his forehead.  
  
"But I know plenty. Forget that girl as she has forgotten about you." Azumi ran her hands along his shoulders. He relaxed into her smooth touch. "The kingdom needs a heir to the throne soon. You want to do all you can for your country, do you not? So why can't you marry me? Produce a heir?" The poor boy was playing right into Azumi's hands. She hid the mischievous smirk that was on her face.  
  
Van sighed, letting her now soothing voice take over him a bit. She was right. Hitomi was gone from his grasp. Their love had disappeared over those two years and it would never be found again. He had to think of his country first. "But..." He began.  
  
Azumi interrupted him. "I know...it hurts....but....I'll help you...forget about the pain...." And pursing her lips, Azumi swooped down towards Van. She pressed up against him, letting her lips sink onto his.  
  
Van was taken back in surprise, being in too much shock to move so he merely looked forward with widened eyes while she kept kissing him. Then he heard a tiny gasp that was barely audible, except when the king tried to look at who was there, there was nothing but the ajar door.  
  
~*~  
  
Tell me where are you going, where do you go?  
  
Where?  
  
Let's go.  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: I broke something! Yeah! Oh, cliffhanger. I'm so evil. What did you all think of the new chapter? Thanks you so much for all the great support! Ick, I've been so tried and busy this week I feel I haven't been able to write as much. It's been a long week. I hope everybody had a good Halloween! I was an elf! And I don't own the song "Where Are You Going" by the Dave Matthews Band. I've started writing the next chapter and I have it planned out so hopefully it'll be out soon. I know it's a pain waiting for a new chapter in stories but I just don't have the time to sit down and write it ALL out. And when I post it chapter by chapter then I get feedback, which I love. Please review and thank you again! Hope you enjoyed it! 


	9. The Hidden Truth

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 9-  
  
  
  
"The Hidden Truth"  
  
Hitomi brought a green leaf up to her eyes as she tried to stare at the grass. The light was too low and she could barely see, but she could still feel the lines of the grass. It was full of tiny veins, carrying water and minerals, transporting it all up through capillary action, everything the plant needed to be green. But she couldn't see the color anymore. It was too dark. But she could still feel it.  
  
She couldn't see Van kissing Azumi anymore, but she could still feel it.  
  
She closed her eyes and tried to regulate her rapid breaths. She didn't want to think about it right now. Maybe tomorrow. She could think about it tomorrow, when it was light again. Maybe that would change things. If it had been a short kiss, she could have dismissed it. She had heard soft voices and had walked into the study and she didn't know what had happened before then. If they just kissed and then it ended, she would have been able to joke. Make some sense of it. But they had just kept kissing....and it had...hurt. She had stood there for what felt like a lifetime, and they hadn't stopped. She had gasped before turning and fleeing. It wasn't platonic and it wasn't just a kiss.  
  
It had killed her.  
  
Hitomi dug her fingers into the grass and let her palms get cold. She thought about her cold hands and cold skin and the light that had gone away and she stared at the dark outlines of the castle and she started to breathe.  
  
Just breathing. She was just breathing.  
  
The stars shined down on her with a mysterious sadness. The moon had its usual golden-silver aura. The heavens, apparently, she thought, would not change their ways and bow down in quiet reverence to the difficulties of mere mortals. The evening was chilly as Hitomi placed her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. She felt the flood of hot tears break as she stared at the grass in an almost dead-like state. Van didn't love her. He would never love her. He was marrying Azumi. He loved Azumi. Not her. Not Hitomi. She would never be able to tell him her feelings. She felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest and then ripped apart. The voice had been right. Love only led to betrayal and betrayal hurt. She would never be able to face Van again. She had to get away from the castle. Away from Van. Away from his love for Azumi. Hitomi couldn't think straight any longer and fell to the ground in tears. Tears for all the pain she felt.  
  
After crying for what seemed like hours, Hitomi groggily got up to her feet. She was in an almost dream like state as she stumbled into the castle. Everything was silent and dark. Eerily quiet. Hitomi knew what she had to do. She was wandering towards her bedroom to gather up her things when she paused, hearing voices coming from a dimly lit room across from her. She was afraid of what she would hear or see for last time she had looked into a room her world had been shattered. So she did not look, she only listened.  
  
"Maybe now Hitomi will leave you! You never deserved her and you never will! You would never be able to care for anyone the way she does! Why are you playing with both of their hearts?! If Hitomi is here, why marry Azumi and fake that you love her? Why should you get to live happily ever after? What have you ever done to deserve Hitomi's love? Or Azumi's?! And you know I'm right." The voice sounded like Allen's. It kept yelling. "I'm right and you know it. And you would take Azumi any way and forget about Hitomi. Not because you love her, a selfish boy like you doesn't know what love is, but because you 'need' her to get over your supposedly broken little heart. That makes you a selfish pathetic jerk. Ever think of how Hitomi is feeling?"  
  
Now it was Van speaking. "And you know what love is?! You know how to care for someone and not just take what you want from them? Because you want what is 'best' for Hitomi, right? You only want Azumi. You make me sick!"  
  
"You self-righteous sonofa...!"  
  
Hitomi paled as she heard the sound of a fist cracking against skin. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to hear or see either of them. But there was so much hate in their words it scared her. And the words were about her and Azumi. Panic began to grip her. A sob escaped her lips.  
  
And now it was quiet. So quiet it was as if someone had pushed a mute button on a TV. They had heard her. They would discover her. They knew Hitomi was there. Turning as fast as she could, Hitomi sprinted down the hallway and into her room, slamming the door shut. She leaned against the cold wood, sliding down it into a sitting position as she tried to erase the words. This was just too much. Hitomi wanted to go home. She wanted to be anywhere except in the castle. With her heart fluttering, she gathered up what little clothing she had and stuffed it into a bag. Hitomi ran about the room, putting a few things like a hairbrush into her bag until she had what she figured she needed. But there was no money for her to use so Hitomi decided she would return to the jewelry stand from before and try to return her necklace. She could then use that money for whatever she needed. Hitomi slipped on the tan pants and pink shirt from before while she tied a dark cloak around her. She could see the sun beginning to rise out in the distance. She had little time before everyone would be up and about.  
  
Hitomi had heard the voice when she was crying. It was very quiet but she knew she had heard its words. It had said, "You don't have what you need here. You don't have what is precious here, either. What is here, is inside the heart." Hitomi wasn't sure what it meant but then again; she never really understood what the voice was telling her.  
  
If Hitomi had remembered which way the stables were she would have gotten a horse but she didn't have one and she was left to walk. Slyly, she crept through the garden and slipped past a few guards. She was near the large doors that led her to the outside world. She acted as calmly as she could as she nodded to the guards and sauntered through the gates. "Just heading to the market." She tried her best to sound like one of the maids. But the guards were still tired from their nightly duties and they let Hitomi past.  
  
After what seemed like hours, Hitomi arrived at the market she had visited with Allen. It had seemed so much quicker when riding in a carriage. She had no idea where she was going but she knew she had to get away from the pain. From the castle. From Van and Azumi. Hitomi only wanted to go home now and they all seemed so wrapped up with there own lives that they weren't helping her get home like they had promised. She didn't need them. She would find a way on her own- once she got enough money to provide herself a meal and a ride first. Hitomi flipped through her memory as she recalled the places Allen and she had visited. The market was already bustling with life so early in the morning. Hitomi wondered if anyone had noticed her absence yet. She had to get money quickly and hire a carriage to get her out of the town. Finally, she arrived at the spot where the jewelry stand had been. But there was nothing there except a square empty patch of dirt. She stood dumbly in shock, staring at the brown dirt.  
  
Turning towards a plump looking woman, she tapped her shoulder.  
  
"Yes?" The woman turned around, smiling. "Can I help you dear?"  
  
"Um...where is the jewelry stand that used to be here?" Hitomi pointed to the bare lot.  
  
"What jewelry stand?" The woman gave Hitomi a weird and confused look.  
  
"Yes there was. It was right here and the man who ran it sold me this necklace!!" She pointed to the thin chain and the gem around her neck.  
  
"Honey, I've come to this market almost every day for the last twenty five years and there has never been a jewelry store here. There's never been a jewelry store down this entire row of stands! In fact, the only two jewelry stores in the market are at the other end and if my memory suits me, they've been closed the last week because they lost somebody dear to both of them." The woman turned away from Hitomi, wandering off towards a fruit vendor.  
  
Hitomi could only stare blankly ahead. How could there have not been a store there? Allen had bought her a necklace there! A necklace exactly like her grandmothers except with a golden chain instead of a silver one. This was just way too weird for Hitomi.  
  
"Great. What am I supposed to do for money now?" Hitomi spoke out loud to herself as she wandered on the outskirts of the market, randomly following a pathway out. It went between some buildings and Hitomi didn't notice the dark shadows around her now.  
  
"I can come up with some ideas." A voice snickered, hissing almost.  
  
Hitomi jumped, spinning around in a circle in search of the owner of the voice. "Who's there?!" Her heart began to beat wildly.  
  
The voice laughed as its owner stepped out of the shadows. It was a grungy looking middle aged man who stunk of disgusting odors and was missing teeth.  
  
Hitomi stepped away from him as fear coursed through her veins.  
  
"You look upset." The man stumbled towards Hitomi, showing off how much taller and larger he was than the frail girl. "Let me make you happy. Let's have some fun." His words slurred as he grabbed Hitomi's arm.  
  
"LET GO OF ME!" Hitomi raised her voice as her body now shook. His grip was strong and it hurt as she struggled to get free. His nails began to dig into her skin.  
  
At first Hitomi thought the mixes of colors in front of her were lights or dots from a blow to the head but after a moment she realized she was wrong. Something about this felt familiar. The colors blended in front of her eyes to form a scene.  
  
A scene of a man grabbing her wrist and hitting her head.  
  
She was brought back to reality as the man pushed her up against a wall roughly as he leaned in to kiss her. She didn't notice the faint glow her necklace was giving off.  
  
Her eyes flashed with color as another image entered her mind. She was in some kind of park. A man was holding her down. He was hitting her and it hurt. He was pulling at her clothing.  
  
Hitomi was brought to reality again but when her swimming vision cleared, what she saw surprised her.  
  
Gaddess was slamming the man into the wall across from Hitomi. Blood stained the bricks. He then proceeded to sit on top of the man while he repeatedly punched him across the face.  
  
Hitomi's mind flashed for a third time but now she wasn't watching a scene. She was part of this painful display her mind had set up for her. She felt a searing rip go through her. She saw the man's eyes. It hurt. Everything hurt. Then it was black. And she felt warm light envelop her. Then Hitomi was watching again as her own battered body fell into Van's arms.  
  
Gaddess shook Hitomi gently as he ignored the bloody crumpled figure of the man that had just attacked his friend. He most likely wasn't going to be walking or moving for a very very long time. Gaddess had made sure of that.  
  
Suddenly, Hitomi's eyes snapped open. They had such a pained, lost and almost vacant expression that Gaddess was caught off guard. Hitomi shoved Gaddess away from her with what little strength she had left.  
  
The light her necklace had been giving off was gone now, just like the last bit of light Hitomi had left in her heart.  
  
Hitomi understood now.  
  
She had seen it.  
  
It had to be true, did it not?  
  
Hitomi ran and Gaddess was in too much shock to follow. 


	10. Not Another Chance

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 10-  
  
"Not Another Chance"  
  
How could what she had seen been real? She would have remembered something like that. I mean, how could she just forget...? Hitomi shook her head, spilling tears this way and that. No. It never happened. But try as she might to deny the truth, the images were still fresh in her mind. It had been so real. At first she thought it could have been some kind of made up movie in her mind but she could feel how she felt when it had happened. She felt how the girl being attacked felt while she watched it happen. She could feel the cold air of the morning. She could feel the grass tickle her skin. She could FEEL her head being hit all the time while she watched it.  
  
And it was horrible.  
  
She felt like hurling or crawling up into a ball and disappearing. She wanted to get a bath badly. She wanted to become one with the water and let herself drift away, down the stream, part of one and all in the world. But her wish couldn't come true. It was impossible. She wanted to forget everything yet part of her was wishing to remember. She wanted to remember Van and everybody else, not the pain that happened to her at the park. And yet...try as she might, all that she recalled was the park. The pain. The aching throb she had always felt in her heart but was unconscious as to why it was really there. Now she knew the truth of what it was. It had been there all along and she had just never noticed it. She had been caught up in her troubles of being in another world.  
  
...Van...  
  
She wanted him to hold her in his arms so badly, to whisper to her that it would be ok one day, to tell her he loved her and that what happened didn't matter to him.  
  
But Hitomi was all alone. There was nothing with her except the biting cold and the rocky earth that cut into her feet as she ran. She didn't know where she was going but she couldn't stop. She was afraid. If she stopped, someone might attack her. But she was already stained...so did it really matter? Hitomi shook the thought out of her mind. She felt so lost, solely alone and confused. What in the world was she supposed to do? Hitomi had no idea. All she found herself able to do at the moment was run and cry. It was all her heart would allow her to do. Who was she supposed to turn to? Hitomi had no idea either. The only faintest name that came to mind was Gaddess but even him...she wasn't sure. She knew she couldn't run to Van, for he had rejected her already, if not in person but Hitomi had gathered his signs and that was what they all had pointed to. He would only hate her more. She couldn't turn to Allen, he was not somebody she felt comfortable to run to and she felt she didn't know Merle or Millerna well enough. But where was Gaddess? Where was SHE? How could she find him?  
  
Hitomi didn't know. She didn't know anything. She was running blindly and she was scared. She had no one. All she could feel was her shattered heart.  
  
Hitomi could do nothing but run.  
  
Her head was swimming as the recently revealed scenes played over and over again. She didn't know how far or how long she had been running. Hours? Miles? She just wasn't sure but Hitomi didn't care. Mercifully, the memories faded away after a bit. But the pain in her heart refused to die. She was horrified as tears streamed down her cheeks. Darkness began to fuzz the corners of her mind. It was welcoming, begging her to loose herself to it. The darkness was calling to her, telling her to just let it all go. It was an escape. An exit from all of her pain. And so Hitomi gave away to it, letting herself become consumed as her body went slack and crashed into the ground.  
  
She was floating in the black void. Hitomi was curled up in a tight, small ball as tears silently fell from her eyes. Something kept telling her not to believe what she was seeing. It was telling her to forget. It was saying that what she saw was not the truth. Hitomi tried to make herself believe it. She tried so utterly hard. But it hurt. Hitomi didn't want to believe she had been attacked and...used like she had seen. How could Van want her? She felt dirty. If any tiny piece of his heart had once loved her, she was sure that was gone now.  
  
"The truth is painful, is it not?" The voice from her dreams mused. "So completely painful. But one must face their pains if they are to truly know their place in the world. Isn't that right my dear?" But the voice sounded different. It had been twisted and contoured into something she had never heard before. It taunted her.  
  
Hitomi spun. The darkness was supposed to take away the pain, not cause more. "I don't believe it." She whispered hoarsely for her throat was dry. "I refuse to believe it!! You sent those images to me, didn't you?! You're just trying to destroy me! You have been since the very beginning! Who are you? Why won't you leave me alone? Those things you showed me...they aren't real! They can't be!! How could I have forgotten something like that if it was true?!" Hitomi cried out. "It...it hurts...so badly..." She murmured.  
  
"You wanted to forget. It was so painful you asked me to block them from your memory. It is true- no matter how much you deny it." The voice snarled.  
  
Hitomi couldn't respond. She opened her mouth to try to but nothing came out. Her heart was being twisted in her body. It was being smashed, shattered, torn and twisted so painfully. Hitomi was crying silent tears of terror. The tears felt cold as they slowly moved down her cheeks but she couldn't stop them.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to face this." The voice said but it didn't sound very sorry to Hitomi. It sounded...almost...satisfied. "I don't know how you managed to pull it out of your subconscious. The situation must have brought it out and that necklace...something is strange about it." The voice smirked. "It's never easy, is it? You don't belong with these people Hitomi. Go home."  
  
"Stop it!! PLEASE! Stop it!!" Hitomi sobbed as an image formed in front of her. She wanted to close her eyes but she was unable to. It's like when you don't want to watch something so you cover your eyes yet you can't stop yourself from looking between your fingers.  
  
Van stood before her. "It's so frustrating. She's so clingy and dependent. She acts so fragile and annoying. I can't do anything I want to anymore. It's always Hitomi. The Mystic Moon girl. Why'd she return in the first place?"  
  
"I don't know." Azumi laughed, kissing Van on the mouth. "But we can forget about her now. Our marriage is soon."  
  
Hitomi's eyes were open wide, her breath coming in heaving cries as she watched them fade. She mumbled, "I'm sorry Van. So sorry. I'll be better. I'll do whatever you want...just please don't leave me. Don't leave me...please."  
  
But the voice kept pushing, "He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care. If he did, he wouldn't want to leave you."  
  
Hitomi felt so cold as Van's words echoed.  
  
"It's always Hitomi."  
  
"She's so clingy."  
  
"So fragile and annoying."  
  
Hitomi winced against the freezing pain she felt as her cold tears froze to her cheeks.  
  
"Van..." It came out as a sob. Hitomi shook her head. "Lies. They have to be. Fight it Hitomi..." She told herself.  
  
Then she heard something. It was so quiet, she wasn't sure if it was truly spoken. "I'll always love you. I always will. Open your eyes." It sounded eerily like...Van's voice. "Open them."  
  
~*~  
  
"Have you seen Hitomi?!" Van raced around the castle, yelling at the maids, guards, advisors, anyone that was in the room.  
  
"No sir, not since yesterday." One of the maids stepped forward, answering his question.  
  
"Her room is empty and most of her things are gone." Another maid stepped forward, bowing while she spoke.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me!!" Van threw his hands up into the air unbelievingly. "She wouldn't just get up and leave like that! What if someone kidnapped her?!"  
  
"I doubt that anyone would get past the castle security." Allen stepped into the room, sighing was he walked. "Have you been paying her much mind lately?"  
  
Van was ready to answer yes but when he truly thought about it, he was unable to respond.  
  
"I'm glad that pest is gone." Azumi smirked, crossing her arms. "Now we can marry with NO distractions at all."  
  
Van clenched his fist. "She is a dear friend. We will find her. Now." He pointed to the guards. "Take a group of men and look everywhere, do you hear me? Check the markets and the town. Even the outskirts if necessary. You will find her." With a salute, the guards ran out of the room, partly to get started and partly for fear of the king. They had never seen him so worried. "Don't return until you find her." He called after them.  
  
"Excuse me. There is someone who would like to speak to you." A man reported to Van.  
  
"Send them in." Van prayed it would be someone with useful information for him.  
  
Gaddess timidly stepped forward. "I have some good news and bad news, sir."  
  
Van relaxed at the sight of his friend but grew fearsome as he added bad news to his sentence. "Go ahead."  
  
"First of all, the good news. I saw Hitomi." Gaddess smiled but it was quickly erased. Van's heart leapt into his throat but before he could reply, Gaddess continued. "She left the castle and I followed her when I saw her leaving. She went to the market and appeared to be looking for something but then went running through some alleyways. When I caught up to her, she was being attacked. I beat the man into a bloody pulp but when I went to check on her- she ran. I called after her and tried to catch up but she was gone like the wind."  
  
"Was she ok?!" A million questions jumped into Van's mind.  
  
"Physically she was ok afterwards but...I'm not sure about the rest. It was real strange. Her necklace started to glow a few times and she got a frightening look in her eyes. There was something about it, something in her eyes. It was as if I could see straight into her heart and what I saw...I saw unimaginable pain. Pain that led to self-destruction. Pain that left one awake, crying every moment silently at night. But with the blink of an eye, it appeared as if that window had disappeared, as if it weren't true what I saw. It seemed impossible that one attack could create such pain in her. I thought I was imagining things, that I was inventing this pain when there was none. But no. I had seen it. I'm sure now, more than ever. I just don't understand why I had never seen it before, hidden behind all of her smiles and graceful movements." Gaddess finished. "I know you probably have much to ask me but I need to sit down and drink some water or something for a bit. I'll talk to the guards about which direction she ran in." And before Van could respond, Gaddess was gone from the room.  
  
Van was left alone finally, for Azumi had left the room with Allen when Gaddess had entered. He sank down in his chair. He swore all of this confusion was going to kill him one day. It hadn't been that long ago that he had seen her smiling face, he had wanted to beg her to marry him, to be with him forever. But he was unable to. He refused to hold her back in his world for his happiness. But then...why did it seem lately that she would always give him a sad smile? Everything had been turned to dust for him. Then slowly, it had begun to reconstruct. Now it was demolished again.  
  
It hadn't been that long ago he had heard her laughing voice. And now everything was different. Everything had changed over night. It still didn't feel real for the young king. He was sure that any moment he would feel her hand tapping his shoulder, pulling him out of this terrible nightmare he was having. That was how everything went, wasn't it? In plays he had seen? In stories he had read? The person only dreamed that they had lost everything- that they had lost the one they loved forever. From their heart and now from their life all together. Then the person was supposed to wake up, the dream being over, and everything was fine again. The person could then finally really appreciate the beautiful, wonderful and perfect life that they had.  
  
It wasn't real. It never was real. How could it be real? That wouldn't be fair. That wouldn't be right. Van never had the chance to tell Hitomi that he loved her after all, he never had a chance to tell her that it was all right, that he could be happy with what they had- that they didn't NEED to get married to be together. That they didn't NEED to live in the same world to be together... That wasn't how things went. There was always a second chance. There had to be.  
  
So where was his?  
  
~*~  
  
Hitomi opened her eyes. She saw Merle hugging her when she returned to Gaea, she saw Gaddess giving her advice in the garden, she saw Millerna beaming down at her, she saw Allen buying her the necklace and...she saw Van falling on her and laughing with her.  
  
Van  
  
"I have other things to worry about." Van snapped at his advisor.  
  
"Like what? That Mystic Moon girl?"  
  
"Don't speak of Hitomi like that!"  
  
His eyes, so full of love. His voice, wrapping around her heart like a blanket, soothing and gentle.  
  
"Fight it." Hitomi told herself as the darkness erupted with flashes of light. "All those things you've shown me...they aren't all real! Van would never say that!! I know the truth! The truth is in my heart!! In my heart!!!" She laughed triumphantly.  
  
"But Hitomi..." The voice seemed to chuckle at her. "I am your heart..."  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: Hehehe. Wow, thanks for all the great reviews!!! Here's my nice long chapter I've been working on since like Sunday! Please enjoy and review, tell me what you think!  
  
Voice: But Hitomi...I am...BOB BARKER!!! And YOUUU'RE ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!! COMME ON DOWN!  
  
^_^;; Just kidding. 


	11. Do You Believe In Angels?

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 11-  
  
"Do You Believe In Angels?"  
  
"Y-You can't be my heart!!! That's impossible! Why would I lie to myself like this? Why would I hurt myself?!" Hitomi yelled at the voice. It was strange- it was as if it was struggling. Sometimes the voice would sound cruel and evil and yet sometimes it sounded caring and gentle. "I can't see Van anymore! I don't want to hear his words. Azumi. It would be better if Azumi would just die!!" Hitomi opened her eyes fearful. "I...Have I become such a horrible girl? I must look very ugly right now. I can't see Van with this face. Why did I ever meet him? If I had to suffer like this...it would have been better not to have known each other at all!"  
  
"You don't understand Hitomi. I am what your heart truly wants. You wanted to forget Van and Gaea. You wanted to forget the painful things and so I erased them. But you lost happy memories along with them. I couldn't just erase all of the bad memories- I had to erase them all. It was your choice, your decision and you chose to forget." The voice took in a deep breath. "And even now, you are so scared of loving Van that you try to deny it. You try to force yourself to hate him. You make up excuses to hide from him. If you only could confess and stop avoiding it then things would work themselves out. Maybe feelings and situations are easier than you are making them. You need to have faith. Believe in human emotions. Yes, there are many horrible things people feel but there are still good things left in the end." The voice was soothing as it almost rubbed her back tenderly. "Before when I was saying that Van didn't want you...I didn't want to tell you that but you wanted to believe that. In your heart, you wanted a reason to run from him because you're afraid. But that's ok. Everyone's afraid, you just have to face it head on. Darkness and evil lurk around every corner, inside a person and out. If you let your negative emotions control you then your heart- me- WILL show you horrible things or taunt you. Evil wants to control anyone it can get its hands on but you always have to fight it. It's hard with all you've been through but you are a strong girl, more than you realize Hitomi. You have to shine, from your heart and have faith. Without faith, nothing can begin. What would this life be were it not defined by despair...but by hope?"  
  
Hitomi could only stare forward in total shock, taking in the information; except for as shocking as it seemed to her, it made a lot of sense. Things were a lot clearer to her now and she felt a lot better, as if a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. But she was still troubled on what to do and over what the memories had shown her. That too was a bit awkward. Hitomi was upset about finding out the truth of what had happened to her but it wasn't as bad as it normally would have been. It wasn't like it had JUST happened to her...it had been a while ago. Yes, she didn't feel very safe, she felt insecure, scared and ashamed but she would deal with that in due time.  
  
"Why don't you go home?" The voice sounded gentle now.  
  
Hitomi shook her head no.  
  
"Are you sure you want it to be like this?" The voice pushed.  
  
"Well..." Hitomi looked down. "If I go back to the castle, Van will be troubled."  
  
"Hitomi- is this what you want?" The voice was glad to be through with the complicated part of the conversation.  
  
"I don't know." Hitomi sighed.  
  
"You won't be able to see Van and you might not be able to get back home if you run away. Is this what you want?"  
  
"No, I don't!" Hitomi quickly replied. "But...I need to be patient..."  
  
"Sometimes being patient isn't the best thing." It sounded like the voice was folding its arms.  
  
"Why?" Hitomi made a confused face.  
  
"You didn't want Van to be patient, so you ran off, right? If you're patient, do you think Van will be happy?" Strangely, it made sense.  
  
"Then...what should I do...?" All this thinking was giving Hitomi a headache.  
  
"Doing the right thing is hard...but if you look hard enough...you'll find it. I believe in that." The voice smiled and so did Hitomi.  
  
"But...what if I don't find it? Or he doesn't want me...? What if he leaves me...?" Hitomi bit her lip as old feelings returned forcefully. She was beginning to shake as she thought of what had happened to her once again and how much Van would hate her. But he already knew, didn't he?  
  
"If it is true love, then he won't leave you for anything." The voice answered. "Why would he leave you any ways?"  
  
Hitomi nearly laughed, except she knew that would make her cry. "It isn't a question of why he should leave me. It's a question of what he is thinking to be with me in the first place! He's so...pure. Kind...Gentle. He's nothing like me. I'm so...so...used...."  
  
"Hitomi..." The voice whispered but was cut off.  
  
"Don't. Don't say that it wasn't my fault, because almost all of it was. If I hadn't have been skipping school...if I hadn't have gone to the park. If I had only been more responsible. And don't tell me that everything can work out between us...because it can't. He can't love me. Why would he? What am I, that I deserve his love? If nothing else were true...it's still true that I'm petty. I yelled at him. I didn't listen, I only ran away. I made him suffer. And now...it's only a matter of time. Sometimes I get an urge to hold him...and I want to...thinking that I should enjoy each moment to the fullest, because there are only so many times that I'm going to get to have the chance to be with him. And when it's over, I'll only have the memory, and so I need to make the most of it. But it's so oppressive! I feel like I'm drowning, trying too hard to make it all mean something. Every time he gives me a caring look...I try to pretend I didn't see it...but I can't help it because I've wanted to believe it, for so long a part of me has. And each time he shows me his love...a little more of me wants to believe it and that is going to make it so much harder when he's gone. All I can think about is how it's going to be when he's gone. When I'm gone. And how am I going to go on when he's gone? Because I DON'T KNOW and I DON'T KNOW and I'm SCARED! Because...because...it's going to hurt so much and I won't have anything left...so I have to horde everything, absolutely everything, because who knows how much longer I've got? And I...I don't know. He's everything I've EVER wanted. I wish I could be the one he loves forever instead of for right now!!!"  
  
"Hitomi." The voice demanded forcefully. "Do you love him?"  
  
Hitomi felt the pressure that was choking her tighten and she burst, her tears spilling from her face as she actually FELT the source of the voice HUGGING her. It was holding her, patting her back calmly. And she didn't know if it truly was a person hugging her or if she was imagining it but it didn't matter, because Hitomi couldn't STOP crying. She felt demolished. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she was able to sniff up her tears and compose her voice to speak.  
  
"I want to see him." Hitomi clenched her fists determinedly. "Once more, I want to see Van!! ...I...I love Van." Her face turned to that of realization. "Since when...did I love him this much?"  
  
The voice chuckled. "But you know...I believe in you Hitomi. You're a girl who chooses to follow the right path...Good-bye for now..."  
  
~*~  
  
When Hitomi opened her eyes, she was staring at a decorated ceiling painted with gold, scarlet and silver. Suddenly, there was a beaming face right above hers. A blush instantly graced her cheeks.  
  
"Morning." Van smiled warmly. He was so relived when the guards had found Hitomi and brought her back home yet he was scared when he heard they had found her unconscious. He didn't know how to act when she awoke so he tried to be cheerful and held back on bringing her into a tight embrace. He had to forget her, or so he told himself.  
  
Hitomi stared up at Van in surprise. At first, she almost flinched at their closeness but she pushed the thought away. Van was a noble, good man and even now, he looked like a harmless angel. Golden sunlight was pouring into her room and most of it shone from behind Van, giving him an almost heavenly appearance. His hair looked as if he hadn't brushed it in forever but it still appeared very handsome on him. A few strands stuck out this way and that, blending in with the sunshine. His tan skin was accented almost a bronze color. His eyes held such love and yet remorse in them at the same time. His smiled seemed so caring. And before Hitomi could think about what she was saying, the words had already left her mouth. "Hey...what do angels look like? What do they do?"  
  
Van blushed at how close he was leaning over Hitomi so he moved back a tiny bit. He was a tad confused by her question but answered it any ways. "I don't know what angels look like. I think they have big fuzzy white wings and a halo. But they can be different for anybody. Well...let's say when you're sad or lonely, they'll hold your hand. Even if you can't see or feel them. They naturally make you feel happy. Kind of like that."  
  
Hitomi's eyes widened and yet again, words slipped out unknown to her. "You make me feel happy. I can see that you want to hold my hand when I'm sad or lonely but you're scared to because you don't want to upset me. You're scared that I won't return the same feelings you have for me. You're scared you'll lose me when I go back home. I'm right...aren't I?" She murmured the last part.  
  
Van opened his eyes in amazement. "H-how...did you...?"  
  
Hitomi blushed even more, making her look almost like a tomato. "I just guessed...because that's how I feel for you..." She took in a deep, shaky breath. "I gathered my courage to say that. I want to be with you Van. I can't do such a thing as to forget you." He was silent, staring at her with risen eyebrows. "Van...answer one thing for me..." Hitomi chewed her lip nervously. "Can I stay with you...?"  
  
Van could only dumbly nod yes. Had she just...had she just said...you know what to him? Was this...a confession...?  
  
Hitomi smiled, her face beaming with relief. "You know Van...this is what I thought. It might not be a coincidence how you and I met." She blushed again. "I want you to be happy. I want to see you smile! I don't know what I can do...but..." And to herself, she finished her sentence in her mind, unable to say it out loud as she was pulled into a tight, choking embrace. "I'll be by your side forever."  
  
~*~  
  
Outside the room, Azumi stood against the wall growling angrily. She couldn't lose Van to this...this girl from another world. There was too much at stake for Azumi and she couldn't risk losing it all at the most crucial moment. She clenched her fists, creating little half-moons in her palms. "You will be mine Van Fanel. I swear it. I will bring honor to my family. I will prove to them I have worth!!!" She gritted her teeth as she slammed her fist into the wall. "Father...you always ignored me. You said I dishonored the family...you refused to call me your daughter and you hit me for every little thing I did wrong. Well...I'm going to prove to you I can be of worth. Once I make Van my husband...I will be Queen! I will have wealth, power, everything you could never bring to our family!!!" She chuckled almost crazily.  
  
A little ways down the hallway, Allen sighed. "I guess words don't have much meaning, in and of themselves. They may be the same words with the same passion...but there are people who accept and those that don't. Your words don't reach Van...and mine don't reach you." With that said, he dropped the flowers he was bringing for Azumi to the floor. He turned and wandered sorrowful down the hallway back into this room.  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: So....what do you think? Hehe, I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot! Ah-ha! So there IS more to Azumi than everyone knows. Maybe even more than I have written in that last dialog. So what did you think of the big love confession? The voice thing wasn't too confusing, was it? Thanks for all the WONDERFUL reviews! They've really inspired me to work hard on this story even more! I'm writing an Inu-Yasha fan fic also called "Where Did You Go?" so I'll be juggling between this one and that. Please read it sometime! But don't worry, I plan to write this through all the way and at LEAST have a new chapter each week, as long as I don't get bogged down with schoolwork. Thanks again! Please review and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! 


	12. As I Lay Me Down

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...  
  
~By: Lauren~  
  
-Chapter 12-  
  
"As I Lay Me Down  
  
"Tomorrow...I'll break off the engagement with Azumi. Stupid advisors were the ones who set us up any ways. I know the one I want to be with forever." Van said quietly. The room filled with silence for a few seconds before he spoke again, "Do you remember it all? Do you remember Gaea?" Van hesitantly questioned Hitomi. Both of them were sitting up in the bed, both leaning against the backboard except Van had his arm gently around Hitomi's shoulders. The Mystic Moon girl was leaning in towards the king snuggling despite her racing heart.  
  
Hitomi frowned. "Only...only what h-happened at the p-p-park..." She trailed off as she involuntarily shuddered. "I just remember going to the park instead of school. Then I was thinking about Gaea and you all when I was sitting in the grass. Then h-he..c-came..."  
  
Van silenced her by putting his finger gently against her lips. "Shh...it's all over now."  
  
Her golden honey hair blocked Van's view of her eyes as her voice murmured, "No...no...it's not over. It may never be." Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a pinpoint of blood. Her head began to pound and she felt dizzy.  
  
She could smell the alcohol in his breath.  
  
She could feel the hits.  
  
She could feel the cold morning dew on her skin.  
  
She could feel her own blood ooze out of her skin.  
  
She could hear her own cries for Van. Why hadn't he answer her? Why didn't he save her?  
  
She could see it all happening over and over and over again.  
  
Hitomi screamed, pushing Van away from her. He crashed onto the floor with a thud in total shock. He slammed his back against the wooden bed stand where a glass of water crashed onto the ground next to him. Van quickly jumped back to his feet to see Hitomi on her knees on the bed. She was holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth as she let out muffled screams. Van didn't know what in the world was going on but he knew it was bad. Gently, he leaned forward, trying to get close to her.  
  
"What's wrong Hitomi?!" He questioned her, trying to sound soothing but worry filled his voice. He reached forward tentatively, shaking her already trembling body. He saw huge tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were closed tightly and she was biting on her own fist. He shook her harder and this time, her eyes flickered open. A pair of horrified, jade eyes stared at him. Her eyes shone with so much pain that Van felt his heart stop at the sight of it.  
  
"Hitomi. Speak to me. Come on." He ran his hand along her back to attempt to calm her down.  
  
Hitomi couldn't answer him. She had never heard him in the first place. She was lost to what she had seen, what she had felt, and Van could now see that.  
  
Suddenly, Hitomi felt warm hands cup her cheek. She looked up as Van got down on his knees next to her and brushed her tears away tenderly with his thumb. He brought his other hand up to her as she collapsed into his arms, sobbing while taking in ragged breaths.  
  
The king pulled her tightly against him, wrapping his strong arms around her. She clung onto him as tears poured out, soaking into his shirt. They wouldn't stop coming- it was like an endless flow. It was as if all of Hitomi's sorrow and pain were put into those tears and they were now being taken away by Van. Van slid closer to her, pulling her trembling body onto his lap while he leaned against the backboard for support. Hitomi wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shirt. No one had held Hitomi like that since she was a child, long before her parent's divorce. She remembered waking up from terrible nightmares and having her mother or father rush to her side, holding her like this until she went back to sleep. She always felt so safe there, sheltered in the strength of her parent's arms. She was protected from the world and all of its cruel pain. It had seemed like maybe...somehow...everything WOULD be all right- as if she didn't have to hold everything on her own shoulders. Like maybe there was someone else there along with her, looking out for her and making sure she would be all right. She couldn't pretend to me strong anymore. The tears swept down her cheeks in streams of grief, agony and release. They stained Van's red shirt crimson while shaking the strong, warm arms that held her. Van calmly ran his hand up and down her back, whispering in her ear. He kept whispering, "It's okay Hitomi. It's okay," over and over again to her.  
  
Hitomi didn't know how long she lay there, crying into Van's chest, feeling the protective arms around her but...eventually the tears began to subside. The sobs began to slow and gradually the pain began to lift from her heart. It didn't leave but then Hitomi didn't expect it to disappear and she didn't expect it to for a very, very long time. But for now, with the tender arms around her and the tears still warm against her cheeks, the hurt had sunk to the lowest areas of her consciousness. It would hide there for a bit, waiting and recovering, gaining strength and then, the next time Hitomi showed the slightest bit of weakness or break in defenses, the pain would return, shuddering through her with the wrath of sorrow and anguish on its side. But for now...at least...it was gone.  
  
A long silence passed as Hitomi snuggled against Van, letting her breathing slow down to its normal pace. Van stopped whispering to her but he kept rubbing her back as his head lay on top of hers. Finally breathing softly, Hitomi lay still and quiet in Van's arms, listening to the comforting thud of the man's heartbeat in her ears. Despite the fact that the tears had currently passed, Van didn't lift his arms and neither did he open his mouth to question her. Instead, he only sat there, strong and solid and real, and let Hitomi be held.  
  
Time passed.  
  
Finally, Hitomi lifted her head, brushing the streaks of tear-stained hair from her face as she sank back a bit from him but still held on tightly. She gave out a little chuckle at his soaked shirt but Van didn't care. He merely sat there, holding her in his lap giving her a lopsided smile. A surge of cold air swept over Hitomi while it froze her tears on her cheeks and a scent of wild fields rushed into her lungs- his smell- it was cleansing her sorrow even more fully from within her.  
  
"I..." Hitomi closed her eyes, letting herself feel for a moment once again the soothing thudding of his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his breath. "I love you..."  
  
Van closed his eyes, fighting back the now sudden mist of tears that had sprung into his own eyes. They were just words. Just three simple, stupid words and yet...they drove into his heart like claws, casting all breath from his lungs and all thoughts from his brain.  
  
They were just words but they felt like so much more to the both of them.  
  
"She loves me. She really loves me..." Van thought to himself. He glanced at her, noticing the blush that was spreading across both of their cheeks.  
  
"I love you too..." He whispered, his voice shaking just slightly and it wasn't until he heard the quiver that he thought about what it meant to say those words and to mean them.  
  
It was a pledge.  
  
A promise.  
  
A bond.  
  
To say those words and mean them...it was to promise that he would always be there for her, always protect her and to be strong for her and keep her safe. It was to pledge that she would always come first in his life, that from now on, his needs came second to hers. It was living to be there for someone else, living for someone else while they lived for you.  
  
Van closed his eyes, letting his body relax while a blissful happiness spread all throughout his body. He noticed Hitomi lean closer to him again, so he wrapped his arms around her, letting her rest in the nook of his arm against him. She closed her eyes, letting sweet sleep envelop her and after a while, Van also joined her.  
  
~*~  
  
Azumi sighed softly as she entered her room. This was the one place that she could relax, the one place she could let her guard down; the one place she could be herself- no masks or smart remarks. Yes...she knew many people hated her but she had to make them hate her. She couldn't get close to anyone. If she got too close, they would only hurt her, just like her family had done. She couldn't let her mask down for if she did, they would only find an insecure, sad little girl. The girl her family had left behind.  
  
They had hated her. They had disowned.  
  
It had always been her older sister that they loved. Always her and Azumi was only pushed into the background. She was her sister's shadow.  
  
But that had all changed when her sister died during the war a few years ago. Her family grew into debt. The promising young, RICH man that was going to marry her sister was now gone since her sister was dead. Azumi's family was poor now, with absolutely no money. And of course nobody was going to marry their little, ugly daughter. She would only bring more dishonor to the family name.  
  
They had sold her to an illegal slave trader were she was placed in a rich home to serve the people that lived there. She served them many years until the parents died, leaving their home to their son. Afterwards, he gave Azumi her freedom and a large sum of money to get her started.  
  
Azumi went out on her own with no clue where to go. She wandered town to town, looking for work and going from job to job. She worked anything from bartending to selling groceries.  
  
Except...one day, she was so sick of it all. She had lost her meaning. Nobody cared for her in the world. Azumi was completely and utterly alone.  
  
Azumi stared down at the raging cold river when she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back from the edge.  
  
A man stared down at her with a warm smile. It was so dark though Azumi couldn't see his face.  
  
She heard him whisper, "Don't do it little one. You've got so much more to look forward to in your life. Somebody always cares, like me. Never give up hope."  
  
And with that said, the man was gone but she distinctly hearing someone call out the name "Lord Van". So she placed that name with the mysterious face and vowed one day she would find this man. He had saved her life. He cared. He had given her hope.  
  
She loved him.  
  
And that was how Azumi had ended up where she was now. She saved up money and worked hard every day. She rose her status, even if she cheated in doing so. Azumi was determined to marry Van. It would bring her honor. She would show her family what this 'shadow' could do. She would find the man who had given her hope and who cared.  
  
It was strange though. When she actually met Van, he didn't seem like the man from that night. But she knew she had heard his name, so she stuck to her plan even though that annoying Allen and Hitomi kept getting in her way.  
  
Azumi stared out at the moonless night sky. "Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll get rid of that bitch Hitomi...and then...Van will be all mine..." With that said, she turned, strutting back to her bed. She felt the urge to cry but she fought it. Azumi vowed that she would never cry. She did not show such weaknesses as tears. No one would ever see her cry.  
  
~*~  
  
Lauren: And there is Azumi's past!! ^_^;; I feel bad for making her have a tragic past but she's got to have a good reason for being so evil and wanting to marry Van so badly. She ain't in it JUST for the money. Hmm...I wonder whom this mysterious guy is that saved her. I wonder if Gaddess will confess his love to Celena and what she'll say. I wonder if Hitomi will return home. I wonder what's up with that necklace of hers. Nobody knows the answers (well...except me...hehe...) so keep reading to find out! Thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! 


	13. Love Lift Me

****

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...

~By: Lauren~

****

-Chapter 13- 

****

"Love Lift Me"

Hitomi smiled, sinking into the cool grass under the sun-dappled sky. Next to her Van aired out a large cotton orange blanket before he lifted it up, letting it billow out. He then brought it down, letting it settle overtop the grass. The Mystic Moon girl smiled, crawling onto the blanket while pulling a wicker basket full of food off of the ground and onto the cloth. She blushed under Van's gaze while she pulled out the variety of food. It ranged from chicken to potatoes to apples and more. Her mouth was practically watering just smelling its yummy aroma. 

Van smirked as he watched her watching the food. She giggled, poking him in his ribs which causing him to jump up.

"Does a mere girl frighten a king?" Hitomi teased while she plucked a snowy white daisy from the earth. She sniffed up its fragrance before she tucked it behind her ear gently.

"Of course not." Van replied while attempting to sound as manly as possible. They both laughed before letting out a deep breath. Stretching out under the warm sun, he helped her set up the food.

~*~

__

Somebody told me

Once in a lifetime

Destiny finds you and blows you away

Spins you in circles

Pulls you in pieces

Bleeds you like Jesus

And goes on its way

~*~

Suddenly, she looked up at him with a serious expression. "V-Van...?" She said and he looked up from the box of food he was just about to open.

"Yes?" He asked slowly. He knew that the playing and teasing time was over by her tone of voice.

"You don't find me disgusting...?" Hitomi hesitantly asked. "Do you think any lower of me because...of w-what happened...?"

Van raised a hand to silence her because he knew what she was talking about. He frowned, thinking to himself, "Is this what she has been worried about? That I might not like her because of that one morning?"

A thick silence filled the air before he spoke.

"Hitomi, you've got it wrong. If I did think any lower of you, I wouldn't be here with you now, would I?" He relaxed, giving her a tender smile. "I'm so sorry I didn't make it...that I wasn't there for you in time but...I won't ever let anything near to that ever happen to you again. Not while I'm alive!"

"I'm sorry." Hitomi squeaked quietly.

"It's okay. I'm not telling you to forget about it because I know that that's something you wouldn't be able to set aside. But the fact that it happened isn't going to change what I've always thought of you and...felt for you. So you can stop worrying about it."

~*~

__

But it's oh so simple sometimes

Just to lay your heart open wide

If you wanna get to heaven

Then you gotta take the ride

~*~

Hitomi blushed faintly, returning his smile. "...Thank you."

"Okay. So if there aren't any more doubts, let's eat!" Van lifted up a chicken leg. "I'm hungry!"

Hitomi sighed happily. "Yeah." She reached down, resting her hand on top of his while she thought to herself, "You're too nice Van."

For the next few minutes, there was only silence as they ate their lunches, save for the occasional rustle of branches and leaves.

Suddenly, something large burst through the bushes and ambushed Hitomi.

"GUESS WHAT HITOMI!?!?!" Gaddess bounced in front of her, knocking over some of the food. He grabbed the trembling girl and brought her into a bone-crushing hug.

"What Gaddess?" Hitomi muttered as she struggled to breathe and tried to stop from laughing. Van could only stare forward in confusion.

~*~

__

Love lift me

Wherever you are

Convince me

I'm safe in your arms

Love lift me

Make sense of it all

Teach me to fly

And don't let me fall

~*~

"I confessed and she said yes!!!" He practically yelled. "SHE LOVES ME TOO!!! HAHA!!" He laughed, a gigantic grin on his face. In the distance, Hitomi spotted Celena watching them joyfully. The timid girl waved over at them and Hitomi quickly returned the gesture.

"Congratulations!" Hitomi grinned and chuckled, patting him on his back. "See, this did work out! Our deal is complete now!"

"Yeah, it is!" Gaddess' eyes suddenly became distant, as if they were looking at something that Hitomi could never see. A sorrowful hint seemed to fill them but it was a mixture. A mixture of sadness, regret and grief. "You're just like my little sister, you know that?" He said softly.

"You had a little sister?" Hitomi looked up at the man, understanding beginning to fill her eyes.

Gaddess nodded. "If she hadn't have died then she would have been just about your age right now." 

"I'm sorry." Hitomi and Van both said.

~*~

__

Somebody told me

Love makes you stupid

Makes you go crazy

Makes you go blind

Comes uninvited

And leaves when it wants to

Calls you at midnight and ties up your line

But it's oh so sweet when it's right (there's nothin' better)

And you swear you won't but you might (you're gonna try)

Gotta fumble in the dark if you wanna see the light

~*~

Gaddess gave them both a lopsided smile. "Oh, it's okay. It's been a long time. She was killed when a group of bandits raided our village. I had been out of town so I was the only one who survived. When I returned home...I found my home burnt down with bodies all over the place..." He shivered. "She was only nine..." Turning his head away, he sniffed before forcing a smile to take over his face. "But you're just like her! A girl with a clear mind and a strong heart!"

Hitomi blushed, hugging Gaddess quickly before he got up and ran after Celena. She understood now. She understood why he acted so brotherly and gave her free advice so willingly.

"I'm happy for those two." She whispered after a minute or two. 

Van laughed. "And I didn't even know they liked each other..." 

~*~

__

And when it's all said and done

It's just the same for everyone

You're busy making your plans

Love's like a bird baby

Flying out of your hands

And it's oh so hard to explain (we don't know nothin')

And your heart gets hold of your brain (but still we try)

Better batten down the hatches baby

Here we go again

~*~

"You'd be surprised what you don't know about other people..." A voice whispered from hidden within one of the bushes but when Van inspected each for a person, he found them empty and vacant of any human life form or anything that could speak.

"That's strange...I could have sworn I heard someone talk..." He scratched his head, trying to figure out what he had heard.

"I heard it too so you're not just going crazy." Hitomi replied. "But let's not worry about that right now...let's just have a good time." She sat back on the blanket and Van sat back next to her. Hitomi cuddled closer towards him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders tenderly.

~*~

__

Love lift me

Wherever you are

Convince me

I'm safe in your arms

Love lift me

Make sense of it all

Teach me to fly

And don't let me fall

~*~

Hitomi hummed softly to herself while she spun in her nightgown then collapsed on her bed happily. She giggled to herself before she stretched and stood up, wandering out onto her balcony. She leaned her elbows on the edge and rested her chin in her palms while she closed her eyes, the silvery moonlight bathing her in its glow.

Her thoughts began to wander. She was so happy at this very moment. Life was...blissful. The hurt had lessened into a dull ache. She loved Van and he loved her. Hitomi couldn't ask for more. 

But what about her mother? Her father? Her friends? Where they worried about her? Did they truly miss her? Was she better off in Gaea or back home? What if she got called back there? How could she leave Van? Hitomi didn't want to leave Gaea but at the same time...she was being torn into two pieces. She sighed, unsure of what was to happen or what she was supposed to do.

Her heart began to thump wildly as she heard a creak coming from the direction of her door but before she could search for the intruder a razor sharp dagger blade was pushed against her throat. A thin line of crimson blood dripped down her pale skin.

"Don't say a word..." A voice snarled.

Hitomi trembled as fear gripped her. She wanted to scream and to run but she was unable to. Her heart cried out for help and a blast of light filled the room. Its source was Hitomi's necklace.

~*~

__

I'm waiting on you

'Cause nothing can lift me

The way that you do

Love lift me

Love lift me

Love lift me (only love can take me higher)

I wanna fly

~*~

****

Lauren: Cliffhanger! Gah, I stared to get writer's block but I just managed to pull out of it! What do you think of the new chapter? Liked it? Thanks for all the great reviews! I've been so busy lately so I'll try my best to write when I can!


	14. Angel of the Past

****

... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...

~By: Lauren~

****

-Chapter 14- 

****

"Angel of the Past"

Hitomi's breath caught in her throat as she tensed, fear coursing through her entire body. Droplets of warm crimson blood formed, dripping down her neck from the tiny sliver the dagger had sliced. She couldn't see a thing for the light had blinded her but she found that the dagger wasn't at her throat anymore. Finally, her swimming vision settled down and it began to clear, her eyes focusing slowly. Why had her necklace burst into a flash of light? HOW had it done that? 

Questions swam through her mind but Hitomi couldn't think about them at the moment as something stirred in the corner of the room. Spinning around, what she saw shocked her yet part of her truthfully expected it.

Azumi was slouched against the wall, wincing as she began to move. The dagger that had cut Hitomi's neck was sitting a few feet from her open hand. The intruder's eyes instantly shot open as she lunged for the weapon, grabbing it as her knuckles turned white. 

"Why Azumi?" Hitomi stepped back, away from the insane girl. "Why?" She peered at her.

Azumi stood up, gaining her composure, or what was left of it. "You know why." She hissed, her eyes opening and shining with hatred. Her usual beautiful hair was frizzed outward, giving her a devilish and wild look. Her face had paled as she gritted her teeth and clenched the dagger, her body tense like a tiger ready to jump on its prey. Her makeup was smeared with the telltale trace of tears and her clothing was ruffed and wrinkled. "What was that light?!" She demanded, holding the dagger in front of her as she advanced on Hitomi.

"I...I don't know." Hitomi replied, taking an unsteady step backwards towards her balcony door. As she stared at Azumi, she decided that the poor woman had finally snapped and lost it.

"YES YOU DO!!" Azumi yelled, cursing. "You stole Van from me!!! You stole _everything _from me!!" She accused, bringing the dagger up as she stepped closer to Hitomi.

"I stole nothing!" Hitomi replied as she stood her ground firmly, planting her feet down determinedly. "I know you probably hate me because of Van but...it's love Azumi. I'm sure there's somebody out there for you too." 

Azumi spat on the ground near Hitomi's feet and then gazed into the peaceful jade eyes of the woman she hated with every ounce of her being.

And that's when she realized it.

Azumi hated Hitomi **_so_** much because she had everything Azumi wanted- she was everything Azumi dreamed to be. She had beauty, she had love from friends, she had love from a lover, she had happiness, she had joy....she had a _family _that _cared _for her, even if they weren't blood related and she was sure Hitomi's real family loved her too.

As this shock hit her, the final straw of sanity in her snapped completely, the pieces tearing into her heart. She prepared to run at Hitomi, holding the dagger tightly in her grip, wanting to remove the thing she desired so much.

Suddenly, the door to Hitomi's broke into a thousand wooden pieces as someone ran in.

That was when her world decided to go topsy-turvy and upside down. 

~*~

Van had been sleeping peacefully in his room when he heard it.

It wasn't exactly a scream- it was, as if something in his mind had jolted him awake- causing a feeling much like fear to go throughout his body. It made his blood run cold.

He jerked awake; jumping up in his bed as a bright light blinded him. He blocked it with his hands when he discovered it was coming from his necklace- the necklace Hitomi had given to him so long ago.

It was reacting to something. And he knew what it was.

Hitomi was in trouble. She needed him.

Grabbing the sword that rested near his bed, he sprinted from his room, his destination- Hitomi. Sometime when he ran down the hallway, his necklace light had gone out. Finally, he reached her room to discover the door locked. Inside, he could hear yells and angry voices. Worried for his love, he backed up and ran into the wooden door. After a few thuds, the door finally gave away and splintered into millions of pieces.

What he saw shocked him. Azumi standing in front of Hitomi with a _dagger._

~*~

Azumi knew it was Van. He had come to rescue his damsel in distress. She knew he wouldn't care if he had to injure her to help Hitomi. It was all over for her now. Whatever chances with the king that Azumi had left were now gone. To Azumi, this was even worse than what had happened so many years ago when her family had abandoned her. The damage had been done, but she knew that it would heal and that she'd eventually get over it. This was different and she knew it. How did you go about picking up the millions of pieces that your heart had shattered into, and put them back together again? She really needed to know, because that's exactly what was happening to her heart at this moment, as Van looked at her in that uncaring way, with disgust and anger now written all over his face. 

Why was he disgusted now? He wasn't so when she first met him. Back then...before Hitomi had walked in...he was kind to her. He made sure she was safe and comfortable in the castle. Or was all his kindness a lie? Had she mistaken his kindness for pity, and that he felt an obligation to her? 

It was just like back then. Her sister had pushed her out of the picture in her family and now...Hitomi was pushing her out of the picture in her chance at being in a family once again. Hitomi was destroying Azumi's one chance of being happy and being with the man who had saved her life. Azumi couldn't stand being pushed aside again. As Azumi stared at the Mystic Moon girl, Hitomi's face seemed to waver between its original look and the face of Azumi's sister. Finally, it stopped at the face of her sister.

Her sister was sneering at her. She was happy. Once again, she had succeeded on taking away everything from Azumi.

The noblewoman ran at Hitomi, holding the dagger directed at her heart.

Van's eyes widened in shock as he tried to think of something to do- something that would save Hitomi but not hurt Azumi.

Hitomi panicked, trying to avoid being stabbed to death by a madwoman. Stumbling backwards, her hand groped for the handle of her balcony doors. Finding it, she gripped it tightly and pulled the door open.

Since Hitomi had been leaning against the door slightly, when she had pulled it opened, she had lost her support and went falling backwards to land on her rear end.

Azumi blinked in confusion as her target had suddenly disappeared from view but the momentum of her run left her unable to stop. Azumi flew forward, her feet brutally colliding with Hitomi's sprawled out body. 

Hitomi shuddered from the painful kick, her eyes landing on Van who seemed unable to move, relieved that Hitomi was out of danger, for now. They opened wide again but they weren't looking at Hitomi anymore. Trying to figure what he was looking at, Hitomi turned around to see...

Azumi flew forward, her body going into the air slightly. Her hips slammed into the railing, letting a sickening crack break the silent night air. But instead of falling back onto the safe, solid floor of the balcony or trying to land on it steady, Azumi just didn't seem to care anymore.

She let herself lean forward.

She let the greater weight of her body lean over the balcony.

She let herself fall.

Hitomi let out a choked scream.

Suddenly, a blur of a yellow-golden color whizzed through the broken door, past Van and past Hitomi.

A warm hand reached over the edge of the balcony, grabbing hold of Azumi's cold hand tightly as someone let out a grunt in obvious strain.

Azumi's eyes were scrunched closed as tears dripped down her cheeks. She let her hand go slack. She wished this cursed person would JUST LET GO OF HER! There was nothing left for her anymore.

A male voice reached her ears but it wasn't the voice that caused her eyes to open up wide- it was the words it said.

"Don't do it little one. You've got so much more to look forward to in your life." It said tenderly, filled with emotions. "Somebody always cares, like me. Never give up hope."

Staring up blankly, Azumi's eyes looked into those of Allen's. 

"I-It...w...was...you...?" She murmured, tears falling from the corner of her eyes as the blond of Allen's hair almost made it look as if he had a hazy halo about his head. He looked like an angel. And he was an angel. He was _her _angel- _her_ savior. Not Van. He had never been her angel. It had all been false. Strangely, this left Azumi feeling relieved.

Allen smiled warmly as he nodded yes. Grunting again, he pulled her up. Azumi clung to Allen's hand desperately as she reached the top of the railing and collapsed forward, landing safely in his arms.

She broke away quickly, stepped backwards to look up at him. "I...It was you the entire time...?" 

Allen nodded, his smile widening. "I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out..." He chuckled softly.

Azumi's jaw dropped before the corners of her mouth slowly rose up into a huge, genuine smile. "IT WAS YOU!!" She screamed, diving into Allen's welcoming arms. "And...it was you again....now...you saved my life...again..." She sobbed into his shirt as she melted into his arms, her body losing all strength as her legs nearly gave out under her.

Allen wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her up against his chest tenderly while she cried into his shoulder. His hands ran up and down her back while he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her sweet scent. "It was me." He whispered in her ear, supporting her in his arms. "I...I'll always be there for you." He murmured lovingly.

Azumi broke away for a second, her eyes staring up into his as more tears filled and blurred her vision. Throwing herself into his arms again, she pressed her lips up against his. "I love you..." She muttered while kissing him. 

Lost in the kiss, Allen could only respond "I love you too" by a 'mmhmm'.

Behind the two, Hitomi had stood up and ran to Van. The pair was now watching Azumi and Allen, a smile lighting up both of their faces. Van had wrapped one arm around Hitomi's shoulders and she was leaning in against his chest. She nuzzled him lightly and he looked down at her.

"What the heck...we'll join them..." Van chuckled, pulling Hitomi into a deep kiss that left her entire body tingling.

~*~

****

Lauren: Wow...it took me long enough but I finally got a new chapter out. Sorry, I've had writer's block and I've been extremely busy. Please forgive me! So what did you think of the new chapter? I'm pretty proud of it considering I wrote it trying to get out of my writer's block. Please review and tell me what you think! Don't worry...this isn't the end...not just yet. Hitomi still has to figure out what's up with the necklaces and if she'll have to return home. Not to mention...the memories of Gaea are still left.


	15. Stay

**... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...**

**~By: Lauren~**

-Chapter 15- 

**"Stay"**

"What will happen now?" Hitomi mused to herself, her thoughts unsure and unspoken. But they were not thoughts that needed to be stated to Van, for at the very moment he had the same ones. Just because they weren't together right now didn't mean that they did not share the same questions. Kagome was flopped on her bed, in her new room since her old one was now being repaired. It had been three days since the odd and frightening incident but as far as anyone could tell, things were coming along fine. Azumi was constantly by Allen's side but the knight didn't seem to mind at all. Azumi seemed much happier than she had been in the past and the others found her personality changing to that of a kinder woman. Surprisingly, they both were like two children, shyly holding one another's hands. This was very different than the normal playboy they all knew. Maybe Azumi had even changed Allen. 

Of course, the advisors were quite angry and upset when they heard that Van and Azumi weren't going to be wed but, after they saw the way the four love birds acted to their significant other, they decided there wasn't really much they could do. Once the king made up his mind, it was hard for anything to change it. And now, even Azumi didn't want to be wedded to the king. What was the point in fighting a futile battle? Hitomi suddenly realized that she hadn't seen Dryden in a long time. The man had locked himself up in the library and the only time she had even caught a glimpse of him was when she explained to him what had happened with her necklace. Her face lit up when her door opened and a mop of black hair popped in. She didn't have to guess, she knew who it was.

She smiled at him. Her room suddenly seemed less dark then before. Van loved it when she smiled. She never smiled that way for anyone else…just him.

"How are you doing?" Van whispered, giving her a devilish smile as he sat down next to her on the bed.

"I'm fine, you?" Hitomi smirked also, returning the mischievous smile. It didn't take long for him to see what she was doing, as she shifted from her place on the bed to look up at him more clearly. She giggled to herself.

He darted an amused glance at her. "What? Do I have food on my face or something? Is it stuck in my teeth?"

"No…I'm just…thinking…" She smiled softly, inside worrying slightly about now much time she had left in Gaea. "That…thanks to you, I'll treasure every day of my life from now on…"

His smile softened, "That's sweet." He blushed, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on her cheek. Hitomi was content to just sit back and admire her hero. The man who had saved her life and caused her to take a new outlook on things. He'd brought her back from the brink of depression and so much more…

There had been so many times where she'd been serious. So many times she wanted to cut her misery short…and if he hadn't have been there…if she had been left to her own devices for a few extra minutes…

Hitomi shuddered. But he'd been there and he'd unknowingly blocked away her thoughts of sorrow and death. He'd saved her life even then from herself. If she had ever really gone through with it, she would never have known what she'd missed. This! If she hadn't have been brought to Gaea after what happened to her…she was sure that she would be at her own funeral, at this very moment.

Somehow the strangest king in history, the guy with absolutely no idea how to handle emotions, the man who could please her and then make her want to pull out her hair a moment later…he had been the perfect person for her…he'd really saved her.

And she was going to make sure she repaid him for the rest of her life.

As she had once heard her grandmother say, traumatic incidents can bring souls on the verge of insanity or it can help a person grow. A person can rise above the pain and create a new life in their newfound knowledge.

And Hitomi had done just that. She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. Closing her eyes, Hitomi sank back into her bed, letting the soft covers surround her while her mind was now a complete blank. She took in slow, deep breathes, letting her mind mingle between realities and dreams.

Suddenly, she felt something heavy crush her into the mattress; a hand planted firmly and yet gently on her arm while another slowly ran through her hair. She felt the sudden fear sink in. She hadn't even thought about…_it_…until now. Tears sprung out of the corners of her eyes as she sunk into the bed, trying to get further away. Images of the grass, the smell, the pain and everything else flashed through her mind. She tried to block then out but they kept coming, while she took her left arm and slashed out at the person on her. She let out a choked sob while the weight on her disappeared.

She saw images of his disgusting, pleasured smile. She felt torn and battered- butchered. The fear gripped her heart and she was about to bolt when she felt a hand run down her arm, squeezing her elbow.

A soft voice interrupted her, it's familiarity causing her racing heart to calm, "Hitomi?"

Hitomi's eyes shot open and Van gazed into her fear stricken emerald eyes.

"Are you all right? Hitomi?" He looked at her with eyes filled with concern and…regret.

She let out a shaking breath, "Yeah…"

"You're a terrible liar Hitomi…" Van let out his own nervous breath. "I-I…I'm so sorry…"

"NO!" Hitomi jumped back, crossing her arms firmly. Even though she acted strong, she didn't feel it. "I-I…am sorry Van. Please…please don't hate me…don't give up on me…"

Van tentatively reached out, pulling her next to him and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, letting her lean against him. "I never would…don't worry…" He gave her a quick hug, "I'm right here and…I won't let anything ever happen…it's just…I'm a guy too Hitomi…" Van sighed, not sure how to explain this. "And you can take all the time that you want but…I want you to marry me Hitomi. I want us to be married. I want us to be husband and wife. I want to be by your side forever. And…I want to have kids with you too…but I'm afraid I might hurt you… I'm scared that you'll hate me because…we'd have to do something like what that…bastard did to you…." He trailed off, blushing tomato red.

"It's okay." Hitomi muttered, closing her eyes and sinking against him. "You're not him. It's okay. It's okay…_only _if it's you. _Only _you. I would do _anything _for you…as long as it's _you._" And then…she drifted off to sleep, surrounded in Van's wonderful meadow scent, her fearful heart calmed.

~*~

What had she just seen? In her mind, a flash of thousands of images had reeled before her. It felt as if she had been watching for days. It was like she was in a movie theater, watching a long tale of a girl transported to another world and meeting a wild prince. Except with this movie…she could feel what the girl was feeling…it was as if she was in the movie and it was really happening to her. After all, the girl was HER. Hitomi was remembering her past trip to Gaea. Maybe…Hitomi had finally accepted things and that was why she was now remembering… but…whatever the reason was, she wasn't quite sure. Either way, it was happening, and she really didn't mind. The story neared the finish with a tear-jerking, sorrowful ending of the girl returning home without her love by her side. 

Hitomi was tugged awake as a pair of arms began to shake her up and down. 

"HITOMI!! HITOMI, I'VE GOT IT!! I'VE FIGURED IT ALL OUT!!!!!!!!" Dryden cried, pulling the surprised and shocked girl into a tight hug, ignoring the groggy Van that slept next to her.

"W-what? Figured what out? God Dryden…it's like two in the morning…" The honey haired girl rubbed her eyes, letting them focus in on the man with the rumpled hair. She was still in slight shock out of what had just happened in her mind and if felt as if she had stayed up and watched a six day marathon of her anime collection, "Fruits Basket" "Fushigi Yuugi" "Trigun" and "Ayashi no Ceres". Focusing in on Dryden, she could just imagine him being one of those coffee addicts who stayed up all night on their computer or in the library. Better yet, with his laptop in jogging pants and messy hair at Starbucks.

Yeah, that SO would be Dryden.

"The thing with your necklaces!!! I've been researching them forever and looking for their origin. I've been studying them also and from what you've told me, I think I have a theory." He yelled as if she was deaf.

"What about it?" Her interest was sparked and Hitomi turned all her attention to him. Next to her, she felt Van rustle and she absently pulled her nightgown to make sure she was covered.

"These two necklaces, they're connected. They were both made from the same gem. I looked at them over and over again and they're the EXACT same- down to the very same curves and slices. The only different is one has a gold chain, the other a silver. They were made together and were meant to be a duo yet somehow, they were separated. I think, whoever made them, wanted them to be connected. Wherever the other companion may be, both are constantly drawn together. If my theory is correct then…they basically can create a strong link between two worlds. A link so strong that one doesn't need to be thinking of the other at the exact same moment to be brought there. I strongly believe that those two necklaces were created for a pair of star-crossed lovers. It's always been a story my mother used to tell me when I was young. A man and woman met in their dreams every night. It was a place between fantasy and reality.  It was a realm where they both existed and could only see each other when they both were asleep, but they were both from different worlds. Except…they wanted more. They wanted more than just seeing one another and talking to each other in some dream world. The man, who lived on Gaea, then created two gems that would serve as a traveling tunnel basically to bring the woman he loved to him. Or him to her. He worked on them for an entire year, placing all of the magic he could find in it- placing his heart, his love, in it. That night, he returned to the familiar brink of dreams to meet his love as usual. Today, he would give her the gem and the two could be together forever. Except…his love never showed up. He tried to reach her every way possible but…he never saw her again. Many people say the girl had died the night before and that is why they never were reunited. I've heard another version where the girl was placed in an arranged marriage and so, not to break his heart, she cut off her connect to him. Either way, they were both separated. Heart broken and shattered, the man cast both necklaces into the sea, where they disappeared. He followed the gems into the raging waters, letting the ice-cold liquid take him away. It is said that his soul never rests- it roams the world, constantly looking for his love or another couple with a love so strong it can heal his spirit. The necklaces you and Van have…those are the necklaces he made! Somehow, both found their way to you. I think, since they failed with the couple they were made for, they want to be of use. They want to complete what they were made for. They want to bring you and Van together always. The man you saw in the market place, the man who gave you this necklace, Hitomi…I think that was the soul, the ghost, of the man who created the necklaces. It is meant for you and Van now. Your half Hitomi, it must have somehow activated in the market place when it was so close to its counterpart, the half that Van had. That's why you were brought here Hitomi. That's why it kept calling to Van when you were in trouble. It wants you both to be together, always. It wants nothing to come between you- good or evil. Even if you return to your world Hitomi, as long as you have one necklace and Van has the other, there will always be a portal open between Gaea and the Mystic Moon. All you have to do is wish to return and it will take you to where the other necklace is, namely, wherever Van is. It's that simple! Isn't that great?! You can go back and forth whenever you please! Van can even go to the Mystic Moon too!" Dryden finished with a cheer, taking in a deep breath after his long explanation. He wasn't quite sure if it made sense to Hitomi but he was pretty sure she got the picture.

Hitomi let his words sink in slowly.

She could go back and forth between Earth and Gaea…any time she liked…

She could be with Van always…

She could be with her dear friends in Gaea always…

And visit her family and friends on Earth any time she pleased…

Inside her heart, she heard a voice whisper, _"Never give up hope my child. When the darkness comes and despair seems to seize your heart…never ever stray…hope's light will surely see you through…never give up hope. In the end, hope is what you have, it is the light, and it is the way to keep on going…"_

~*~

**Author's Note: **Oh, I am so sorry for the HUGE wait on updates! I've been caught up in school, family stuff and other stories. Sadly, this story isn't on my top priority list and the plot seemed to die for me so it took forever for me to write this out. I hope it was okay. Tell me if I forget anything! It was odd; I just sat down today and started working on it. I hope this chapter didn't seem too rushed and that it explained things clearly. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer them in the next and final chapter of "Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember"! Enjoy!


	16. Breathing

**... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...**

**~By: Lauren~**

-Chapter 16- "Breathing" The cathedral was filled with thousands of people as they filed in quickly, everybody adorn in their best outfits. People rushed inside and ran to get a seat while a few guards in the back readied to shut the gigantic doors, which were both littered with swirls of gold and silver while a few gems decorated it. Long stain glass windows allowed sunlight to filter into the church through the colorful scenes they depicted. In the front of the church the first few rows were filled up with the friends closest to the bride and groom. From the right corner going to the aisle sat Azumi next to Allen. Both held each other's hands tightly with their fingers intertwined. Only a few days ago the knight had asked Azumi to marry him and now the two were engaged, but they both said they wanted to wait a few months before the actual marriage ceremony. 

Next to them sat Merle and her husband. The cat-girl had married the love of her life, the cat-boy of her dreams, only three months ago. In fact, Merle had finally broke the news of her being pregnant recently. The two would have a tiny child in the future! Then there was Gaddess, his arm wrapped gently around his wife Celena, while Allen shot them both a slightly annoyed glare.

Next to the couple, and the pair to finish off the row, sat Hitomi's little brother, Mamoru and then sat Hitomi's mother.

Confused yet? 

Dryden had discovered the secret of the two necklaces only four months ago. In that time, Merle and the cat boy, along with Gaddess and Celena, had both had a double wedding. A bit afterwards, Hitomi had returned home, testing out the necklaces and bringing Van along with her. When she returned, her mother was going frantic, for it seemed when Hitomi left to Gaea; time in her world had passed by just the same. It was odd and Hitomi wasn't quite sure why it was different but this thought had occurred to her. Maybe, time didn't pass the first trip she took to Gaea because when she was sent there, she didn't necessarily _want _to be there. And so, to make it appear that it had never happened, time hadn't passed on earth from when she had left. But this time, Hitomi had wanted to go to Gaea, and so time was equal on both places and from now on, whenever Hitomi traveled to either world, the time would match one another.

When she returned home, she had explained _everything _to her mother. _Everything _from the very beginning of her tale, starting on that fateful day by the track up until now, and the telling of this tale was filled with tear-felt hugs and sobs between a mother and a daughter. Of course, her mother had doubted her daughter's story a lot, but where had Hitomi disappeared to recently? Nobody had seen her for the longest time and then suddenly, she was back. Van then had walked into the room, introducing himself and confirming Hitomi's story. After a lot of talking and convincing, they had managed to get Ms. Kanzaki to visit Gaea using the two necklaces. 

Believe me, seeing Merle nearly gave Hitomi's mother a heart attack and even though she was still having a hard time understanding and accepting everything, she knew one thing. Her daughter was safe and happy here and that was all that mattered to the woman. She had then returned home, leaving Hitomi behind with one of the necklaces while Van had given her his own necklace. She had then packed a few bags and told her friends she was going on vacation. She had taken Mamoru out of school, telling the boy his sister's story, a story he had always liked to believe when he heard it from her, yet couldn't because if he did, he knew his family would ridicule him and call him crazy too.

But, it wasn't so crazy now, was it?

The two had tested out the necklace and sure enough, when the light faded, they were in Hitomi's room, out on her balcony where she was standing. They had then stayed at the castle and traveled through some of Gaea within the last two months, curious to this new and strange world. They knew they would have to keep this place a secret and that was all right with them. Her mother approved of Van and Van got along with Mamoru as if they were brothers, which they would soon become. In fact, he had promised to teach Mamoru how to sword fight, although Ms. Kanzaki wasn't too sure she wanted him to learn it.

Hitomi was now down the aisle, standing next to Van bashfully while a hush settled throughout the great room. The girl was clad in a flowing gown that was a brilliant snow-white color. It was a silky material, which clung to her, showing off her figure. It billowed out slightly after her waist while the top part was off the shoulders. Thousands of sparkling jewels were sewn across the front, creating a pattern of blooming flowers while the sleeves ended in a cap like shape just over the tip of her shoulder, where it connected to her arm. Silk gloves had been pulled up to her mid-arm, their color matching that of her dress while a pair of delicate high heels were strapped tenderly across her tiny feet. Her honey hair had been left down but filled with a few curls here and there. White roses and silver ribbons had been tied into her hair, each placed a bit above her ears. She seemed to sparkle with every step or movement and the people watching could only take in a tiny gasp and look on at awe at their new, majestic queen.

Van took in a deep breath, holding it in as he tried to calm his frantically beating heart. She left him breathless….she was so utterly gorgeous and stunning…

He had no other words to describe it. 

The king was clad in a pair of finely tailored, simple white pants. He had on a pair of shiny black shoes that Hitomi's mother had brought him while his handy sword was strapped to his side. His shirt was silk, matching the material of Hitomi's dress. Colored string that was glittering silver and pearly white string that stood out from the white of his shirt intertwined each other in swirls up the front and down his sleeves. It had silver string also that tied the open top of his shirt together, much like his old red shirt, except this one had long sleeves. The sleeves hung off of his arms loosely but came together at his wrist while his raven hair was brushed clean and neat.

Hitomi wanted to say that Van was down right sexy but she kept that comment to herself, settling on saying he looked very handsome. In front of them, the High Priest of Gaea coughed, drawing the attention to him.

After going through many ceremony steps and talking, the two reached the final part of their wedding. In fact, Hitomi had discovered Gaea's weddings were very close to the weddings on the Mystic Moon.

"Do you, Hitomi Kanzaki, take Van Fanel to be your wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" The priest's voice boomed.

"I do." Hitomi nodded, blushing as joy bubbled up from her chest.

"And do you, Van Fanel, take Hitomi Kanzaki to be your wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" He repeated.

"I do." A grin spread across Van's face as he pulled out a golden ring, which shimmered in the sunlight that penetrated through the glass windows of the church. Tenderly, he took Hitomi's hand, sliding the ring onto her finger while he stared into her jade eyes.

Hitomi pulled out a gold ring also, one that matched hers, and lovely slid it onto Van's finger, before the two turned back to the priest.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." He finished. "You may kiss the bride."

A huge cheer erupted throughout the church, leaving not one single corner silent while the couple pulled each other into a tight embrace and their lips locked together in a soundly kiss. Hitomi put all the love she felt in that one simple action. Van responded in kind, their kiss deepening by mutual understanding, growing to encompass their entire minds and wipe away all consciousness of the outside world; nothing existed for the two except one another. Her fingers had buried themselves in his surprisingly soft hair and his hands were holding her to him and it was pure bliss.

"Come on, break it up you two! There's a feast waiting for us and _please _don't break any more glasses this time!" Merle called, laughing as the couple pulled apart, their faces blushing tomato red. "And you, of all people, need to be present. It _is _your wedding feast, besides, you're the King and Queen now!" 

~*~

Hitomi sat in 'their' room. After the delicious feast and a lot of dancing, when they had decided to retire to their rooms, she had discovered her things had been moved into Van's enormous room. She was now cuddling under the soft sheets, enjoying their comforting feel as she sunk into her pillow and let her aching feet rest. She was wearing a silk nightgown; one that wasn't too modest nor too revealing. After all, she knew what usually happened after weddings. Her heartbeat rushed at the thought as she blushed furiously, not sure if she was ready for this. 

After a few silent minutes passed, Van walked out of their bathroom humming to himself quietly. Just looking at him made her blush darken, for he was clad only in a pair of cotton blue pajama pants that he had purchased when they had visited her mother, a pair he had taken pride in returning with after they had visited earth. His bronze muscles gleamed, for he had finished taking a shower only a few minutes ago, while his damp hair glistened in the pale moonlight. He smiled down at her when he caught her gazing at his chest, his lips breaking out into a smirk, a tiny smirk meant for only her. After shutting a few curtains and turning the lights off in the room, Van crawled into bed next to Hitomi. 

Her breath hitched in her throat as she waited for what was to happen, memories flooding back, causing her to shudder while she prayed to anyone that this would not haunt her for the rest of her life. She wanted the past to stay in the past and let her live!

Van shifted, getting comfortable in the covers while he turned to Hitomi only to find he was facing her back. He smiled softly at her, even though he knew she wouldn't see it. He finally had the woman he loved. He was the happiest man in the world right now and he knew that that would last forever. Sure, they might have hard times in the future, but he knew they could handle it and work through it, whatever it may be. They would never be alone, whether they were in a crowd or not. Content, Van closed his eyes, ready to sleep. 

All was silent.

And then he noticed it. The bed was shaking ever so lightly. Opening his eyes in worry, he studied Hitomi's back and then observed how she was trembling terribly.

"Hitomi? What's wrong?" Van's voice was a tender whisper, filled with genuine concern.

"I….I…" Hitomi stuttered, not turning to look at him, at a complete loss for words. She had thought he would surely…  "I don't…I…"

A look of understanding crossed Van's face. "Shh…I'm sorry…I never thought…" He reached over, placing a warm hand on Hitomi's face, stroking it and her hair at the same time, until she turned to face him slowly. "It's all right. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"I…" Hitomi choked out, finally letting her eyes settle on him. She smiled waveringly, trying to reassure him and hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. "But I…" Hitomi felt she could never lie to those brown-maroon eyes when they were looking at her as they were now, warm and sympathetic and totally and completely loving of her. _Her. _A regular girl who just happened to have traveled to Gaea. She thanked whoever was up in the sky for that, for if she hadn't been taken here, she wouldn't have found the love of her life. "I want to. It's just…"

"Memories?" 

Hitomi nodded, almost ashamed. 

"You don't have to go through with this. Are you sure…?" Van wrapped an arm around Hitomi's waist, pulling her back to meet his chest, putting his chin on her shoulder, while she clasped her hand over his. "You don't have to."

In response, Hitomi placed one hand on each side of his face. That sweet, wonderful face… "I want to."

He nodded, slowly turning his head so he could kiss her palm, understanding in his look. "We'll take it slowly, then. If you want to stop, at any time, just say so…Is that all right?"

Hitomi nodded, and he leaned in and kissed her deeply, the intense pureness of his feelings flooding her body with the contact. It was happiness, and love, in its truest form, something they'd never let go of. And he was there to lead her, to protect her, to help her through the memories that still managed to make themselves known, and she was with him and he was with her and it was right.

~*~

Hitomi was warm, the warmth coming from the person whose arm was wrapped firmly around her waist as she huddled close to his chest, listening to his steady, sleeping breath. It had been long dark when she'd awoken from one of the nicest sleeps she'd had in a long time, sure that everything had been a dream…a dream she never wanted to wake from for it had been so beautiful. But it hadn't been a dream- the full moon was shining through a balcony window that wasn't the same as the one in her old room, the bed sheets were a different material, and the greatest proof of all was the warm body beside her, holding her close in his sleep. It was perfect, everything was so right and there was no other way to describe it. Everything about it was totally, completely, perfect. 

Hitomi smiled at his vulnerable face, so open in sleep, and reached up to brush his messy hair out of his eyes, wondering how she could have been so lucky that she found him. The moonlight painted a few silver stripes across his face, making him all the more visible. He was so caring, so wonderful… he was hers, forever. Now that they'd found each other, they'd never be apart.  
  
Van stirred slightly and Hitomi withdrew her hand, satisfied to just watch his eyes blink sleepily open, see his face as expressive as a little boy's as he came out of the depth of dreams. He immediately focused on Hitomi, a smile spreading over his entire face as he gathered her closer to him. "I'm so glad you're not a dream…" He muttered.  
  
Hitomi rested her head against his chest, laying one hand over the working muscles there, wholly fulfilled. "Neither are you."  
  
They both lay there together for a long moment, simply content with being with each other, not having to talk or move to convey their feelings. A neat little feeling in her heart made her think that heaven would pale in comparison to being in his arms.

Everything was okay now. Once, she would have said that this was her happy ending. But, she had learnt that there where no happy ending because…

…nothing ever ended. Hitomi and Van were only beginning.

In a few days or so, they were both planning on returning to the Mystic Moon and staying there for a few weeks. Once there, they were going to have a tradition Mystic Moon wedding and invite Hitomi's relatives and friends.

From these people on Gaea, Hitomi had learnt so many things:

We can never truly ever understand one another. We can only try.

The bigger our hopes, the greater our failures can be.

Reality has no mercy.

But if there is a tomorrow, we will think again on those who matter to us.

That means you as well as me.

In hopes that we may all meet and fall in love with someone wonderful.

Then Hitomi knew she would have to break the wonderful news to her mother. It was something that would make her mother even happier than she already was. It would make Van very ecstatic and nervous at the same time and it would please his silly advisors.

Hitomi filled with joy as she rested her hand on her abdomen. She didn't know how she knew, but she just did.

She would be joining Merle in becoming a mother soon.

Hitomi smiled, sinking against Van as she closed her eyes. All her life, she had wanted to forget everything but then, she found herself wishing to remember, and now…she was just plain content…

**-The End-**

**Author's Note: **Ahh! It's over! I can't believe it! I've really dragged this story along, probably one of my shorter fics, but I'm still pleased with it. I thought I got everything wrapped up and when I started it, I never meant for it to be very long any ways. At least, not this long.

So what did everyone think? Like the whole story? Like the ending?

This chapter was titled after the song "Breathing" by Lifehouse.  
  
Well, to start off I'd like to thank EVERYBODY who read and reviewed this story! It would have NEVER made it this far without you all! I really appreciate all of your comments and thoughts; I read them all the moment they are submitted. THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ AND REVIEW THIS STORY!! I LOVE YOU ALL! I don't know what I'd do without you!  
  
 Hm...what else to say here? ^_^ I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it! *hugs* Thank you and until next time- See you later!


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